Is My Ex Playing Mind Games?

Craig (00:00):

Today we're going to be talking about, is my ex playing mind games. Interesting. We're going to get into this today because a lot of times when we're going through a breakup, we could feel like our ex is playing games with us. You know, sometimes they are, but sometimes they're just going through their own issues. And so we could get desperate and want a definitive answer from them and get frustrated that they're not giving one. And a lot of times your family can pressure you and say things, all your ex is doing this, then that, and start making your ex look really bad when maybe your ex is really just genuinely confused and doesn't think the situation can improve, but they also care about you. So we're going to kind of look at that and explore some of the details or the minor details to figure out am I being played here? Cause you're probably wondering if you're watching this video "Am I being played?" "Is my ex playing mind games with me?" So we're going to talk about this today.

Victoria (01:48):

Exactly. So with mind games, there can be many ways to perceive this. And one of these ways is mixed messages like Craig was talking about. So this could be showing interest on one hand, and then on the other hand, retreating, they might be enthusiastic about meeting up with you and then suddenly cancel without any type of rain check. Yep. That's a big one. Yep. So this situation can be very confusing, especially if that other person is not making that solid decision and it can leave you kind of in a whirlwind of what do I do next? Are they just toying with me? Do they really mean what they're saying? Or are they just messing with me or trying to get a reaction out of me?

Craig (02:31):

Yeah. And it's so tough to tell when you're emotional yourself and you're really anxious and you're depressed and you're beating yourself up. It's really hard to think clearly, you know? So I could totally see why you would feel like, you know, you might be being played. You know what I mean? Nobody wants to feel like they're being deceived. And when you're getting those mixed messages, it feels like they're intentionally deceiving you, but it can just be that they're really unsure and ambivalent themselves. And so, you know, they could maybe think, well, getting together would be a good idea, but then they, and they redo it and then they think about it. And then they're like, no, I don't think this is going to be a good idea. And then all of a sudden they change their mind and get cold on you again. Whereas they really meant that they thought it would be a good idea when they said it and over time, whatever happened, they decided, no, I don't think this is good. You know what I mean? So it could just be reflective of their own internal struggle and how uncertain and indecisive they are themselves.

Victoria (03:44):

Right? So just because your ex is giving you mixed messages, doesn't necessarily mean that it's out of malice or an intention to hurt you. So another way that you might be perceiving your ex to be playing mind games is by testing you so many people who haven't gotten their needs met in childhood, or didn't get the love that they deserved when they were little, they might feel the tendency to test you to see if that love is there. And if that love is unconditional.

Craig (04:11):

Yeah. Cause they didn't feel cared about as a kid. So now they unconsciously believe that people don't care about them. So they want to test you to see if you care about them. And this doesn't just go for a breakup. This people do this in the relationship. And I think that a lot of the fake breakups that you hear about it's really about somebody wants to see if you really care about them.

Victoria (04:35):

That's a great point. Yeah. And this can be manifested by threatening to break up. This could be manifested by instigating jealousy to hanging out with people who were problematic in the relationship. So these are all ways that an ex might try to provoke you to get that reassurance and get their needs met.

Craig (04:54):

Yeah. And if it's really toxic, you can see like a lot of people bringing that triangle in there of a third person and they go back and forth between the people to make you jealous over that other person. And then they get close to the other person and make you jealous that they get close to you to make the other person jealous. So it can get really extreme with, you know, people that have like personality disorders and really serious mental health issues. Narcissists will do stuff like this.

Victoria (05:25):

Yeah. These are all things to look out for and be aware of to protect yourself. And this is not the mature way to go about this. There are clear ways to be open about your needs and wants in a relationship. But of course, this is all more difficult if you have an insecure attachment style.

Craig (05:42):

Yeah. Healthy people don't tend to play mind games. And so if you know that your partner was really secure and they communicate well and they're trustworthy and they're honest and they're transparent. They're not to play these kinds of games, but the more that they are afraid to be close to people, to trust people you know, that they had a hard time in their childhood with their parents. They're going to be more likely to play manipulative games with you.

Victoria (06:15):

Right. And it could also depend on the messages that you heard when you were young. Some people have outrageous expectations of relationships that aren't realistic. So they might impose those expectations on you. And you might feel like that's a game or they're trying to incite a reaction out of you. So just be aware of those things and try to take everything into context of what you know about them, what you know about their life, their history, and what your relationship was like

Craig (06:41):

And consider, did I see them play games with other people? Did you see them play mind games to other people? Because if you know that they do that, then you know that they're more capable of doing it to you, right? So you want to look at how they treat other people because that could give you some insight.

Victoria (06:58):

Exactly. And another thing that you might be interpreting as playing games is if you're currently in no contact and you're not hearing from your ex. So you may be wondering if your ex is silence in itself is a game. So you also have to think to yourself, if your ex is not contacting you or stubborn enough to not contact you, then they're not ready for that relationship to start up again. Their heart needs to be softened to the point where they are open and willing to talk with you and be mature about things and have that conversation with you about reuniting and about starting a new relationship with you. And if your ex is acting in these ways, you have to make a decision for yourself if this is the type of person in the state that they're in currently, that you want to be with right now.

Craig (07:51):

Yeah. That's a big point because you know, when you're going through a breakup, both people are emotional. They're confused, they're upset, they're angry, they're hurt and we're not in the best state. And when you've had a tough life or, you know, you didn't get a lot of love in your childhood or, you know, your parents were alcoholics or they worked all the time. Whatever the reasons were, we're particularly sensitive. And oftentimes don't know how to sooth our anxiety and have emotional self control. So we lash out when we're hurt and we're angry and, you know, chances are, you said something that hurt them and they said things to hurt you. And so, you know, it's just not a good place to try and repair things when things are so emotional and upset. And you know, trying to determine if your ex is playing a game in no contact can be difficult because you, you know, you're sitting there thinking it's like, are they still playing with me? It's almost like you're playing hide and go seek. And you're hiding. And you don't know if somebody is trying to find you. Yeah, exactly. You're like, am I playing? Are you still looking for me? Or you, you know what I mean? Do you ever play as a kid? And they take so long to find her, you think things like people used to do that the kids needs to be mean to the other kids and you're hiding.

Victoria (09:20):

Yeah. But it's true. This whole concept of playing games is really complex. And your ex might not even know that they are playing games or that they are messing with your mind. They might not know how it is affecting you. Yeah. And it doesn't always mean that they're being cynical or intentional by harming you or messing with you or making you feel confused. But it doesn't mean that you have to tolerate it or that it's okay. So you determine your own boundaries and what your breaking point is for when you say enough is enough.

Craig (09:52):

Yeah. As much as you may love somebody, you have to love yourself more. And that's so hard for so many of us to do. It is not an easy concept to really love yourself more. But you know, when you get to a place where you value yourself and say, you know what, I love this person, but I cannot allow them to continue to mistreat me. Now nobody's going to be perfect. Right. But if it gets to a place where it's toxic or abusive, and they're really hurting you, and the relationship is unstable, like, you know, at that point, you have to say, I can't continue like this and get yourself into therapy, work through your own issues. The workbooks will help you with that. The creative healing course will help you with that. Coachings will help you with that, talking about it. That's what we're here for, to help you do. But you know, we understand that many of you will have ex's that are kind of playing games. And you know, when you're in that position of feeling like somebody is trying to deceive you, nobody wants to feel like a fool. Right? And that, that is like, you know, not a healthy situation to be in where you feel like you're being violated that much, that someone will continually betray you like that.

Victoria (11:10):

You deserve to be happy too. And you deserve to have your boundaries respected. So the more you learn about yourself, the more you'll be able to determine what it is that you'll handle, what it is that you can't handle and where you draw the line.

Craig (11:25):

Yeah. And I think if people look at somebody's actions and their words, they'll see a big difference if they're really playing games or if they're just confused and they're struggling with things themselves. Cause I think a lot of people are unsure that part of them wants to be with you. Part of them wants to break up and they're going back and forth between it. I think that's a normal thing to go through and we, that they should know one way or the other, because you are maybe certain about, I know I want to fix this. You want them to be sure, but they're not. They're probably in the state of, you know, sometimes I think it could work out, but because of the way it's been, it wasn't working and I don't feel like it's going to change.

Victoria (12:12):

Right. And if they could say that to you just like that, and I'm sure that would clear up a lot, but you also have the right to, to ask them and be clear with them and direct with them. So the more straightforward that you can be as well and setting your boundaries, then the more that they're going to respect you. And the more that you can outline what it is that you want for your relationship.

Craig (12:32):

Yeah. Obviously we're dealing with some confusing stuff and when you're emotional, it can be even harder to understand what's going on. So, you know, take it slow, pay attention and see how things play out with time. Right? Of course, if you want to get our help personally, just go to my website askcraig.net, sign up for the coaching option that works best for you.

Will My Ex Think About Me On Valentine's Day?

Craig (00:00):

Today. We're going to be talking about, will my ex think about me on Valentine's day? Well, if you're going through a breakup, that's a particularly difficult day. Yeah. And you are pretty much obsessing about your ex that day. Unot necessarily where they're at or what they're doing, but you just keep thinking about them. It's going to be everywhere because love is going to be everywhere on TV.

Margaret (01:08):

Absolutely. You cannot get away from social

Craig (01:10):

Media. You see what friends are doing? You hear what friends are doing and it just makes you feel awful. Yeah. So you're thinking about them nonstop, right? And so you're like, are they even thinking about me?

Margaret (01:24):

Or have they just moved on?

Craig (01:27):

To me? I think how could they not think about you? Right. That's right. How could they not think about you when, even if they're not wanting to be with you, even if they don't want a relationship right now, how could they not think about the person that they've spent, you know, probably last Valentine's day with, for many of you and how would they not be able to think about what you did last Valentine's day? I think that's a big thing.

Margaret (01:57):

Absolutely. You're going to remember what you did last year. Yeah. Or at any happy Valentine's days of the past. Of course.

Craig (02:06):

You know, when a holiday comes up, I think we often are reminded of the last one, you know, last Christmas last, last birthday. Yeah. And so I think it's normal. And how could they, you just can't put a push that out of your unconscious.

Margaret (02:21):

No, it is impossible to move on and never think back.

Craig (02:26):

Yeah. And even though you feel like they're not wondering how you're doing, maybe they've said we're never going to date again. I don't care about you anymore. Even if they're dating somebody new, it doesn't mean that they're not going to think about you. It's just the way we're wired.

Margaret (02:42):

Right. It's the way we're wired,

Craig (02:43):

The attachment that we have to other people is just so overwhelming. Those intrusive thoughts, they're going to experience it too. Right. so it doesn't necessarily mean that they're to want to get back with you, right? We're not saying that just because they're thinking about you, they're going to want to repair things or then they're going to come back. We can't say that, but we really feel like if you leave them alone, it's going to impact them and they have to sit with that. Right. And we say that all the time, because we just know how important it is that, you know, you may be tempted to reach out, but I think it's more powerful if you don't reach it.

Margaret (03:25):

That's right. And even if they broke up with you, I think you pointed out earlier today. Great. They're going to wonder why you didn't.

Craig (03:34):

Yeah. I mean, I think that it's more powerful for them to feel that loss that day. That's right. Don't you? Yeah. So when you're tempted to buy them a gift, reach out see how they're doing. Just know that they are thinking about you. And I think social media is, is changing that too. Like don't you think people are going to be looking at you on that day.

Victoria (03:59):

Yeah, definitely. And you have to remember that spending Valentine's day with your partner is a privilege. So once that relationship is over, you don't want to keep giving them that privilege, that you're always accessible to them, even on holidays and special days, like Valentine's day, you want to have them experience that loss. And of course, on social media, they're going to be scrolling, seeing what you're up to seeing what other people are up to. They're going to be exposed to the same amount of, let's say, love propaganda that you are. Exactly.

Craig (04:33):

Yeah. I, I think that it's just one of those things that they may not reach out or, and I don't think they will reach out for Valentine's day because it's overwhelming. Right. Right. Like, because it's like, if you reach out on Valentine's day, it's almost like saying, "I want to fix this". And I think that's going to be too big of a step for somebody

Margaret (04:54):

Don't do it.

Craig (04:55):

I think that, you know, you should just expect not to hear from them, but that not hearing from you will really hit their unconscious and be powerful to them. Right.

Victoria (05:08):

Because they probably expect to hear from you on that day, like you were saying Margaret. Right.

Margaret (05:12):

Yeah. And I have often said to people, remember who broke up with whom, right?

Craig (05:18):

Yeah. Because even if they don't want to hear from you, I think on some level they do want to hear it from you

Margaret (05:25):

Sure they do. Right. Or at least know that you still find them attractive and wonderful and all of those good things.

Craig (05:30):

They want them back. Yes. So, you know, I think it's safe to say that most of you will know in the back of your mind, your ex is gonna think about you. Of course, you know, some of you that may have been in like a situationship or something like that, maybe not. But even then I think you're going to at least come into their unconscious at some point during the day, because we cannot wait, wipe out close relationships. It's just so easy for a thought to pop up when you're not even thinking about it. Right.

Victoria (06:05):

And romance is not something that you share with everybody. It's something that you share with select people. It's rare. Yeah. So on a day, like Valentine's day where romantic feelings are at an all time high, of course, you know, romantic partners are going to come to their mind.

Craig (06:22):

Yeah. That chemistry that you had, that connection, that feeling of, you know, maybe how good the relationship was at its peak and how long, you know, all those things are going to come back to you. Right. So I think we all kind of agree that your ex will think about you at some point during the day and wonder what's going on with you, even if the relationship ended badly. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. So we just wanted to talk about that and reassure you that we know how awful it feels. We know you feel like they don't care about you. I've been there. Right. I've been in the situation completely convinced that that person wasn't thinking about me, but they often will admit later on, "I thought about you all the time". Right. How often do we hear that? Very often. Right. And, and you feel like there's no hope, but you don't know what they're doing behind closed doors.

Victoria (07:22):

Exactly. And it can be very hard to keep that emotional self control on a day, like Valentine's day, but just remember it's even more important on days, like Valentine's day to continue to no contact and to have that emotional self-control

Craig (07:36):

Control. Yeah. I think so. I think it's more powerful for your ex not to hear from you.

Margaret (07:40):

And to give your ex the benefit of getting in touch with all of their feelings.

Margaret (07:46):

But it's going to be an emotional day for them too. And of course, whether they show it or not, I don't think they would show it. They want to keep their guard up. But that doesn't mean behind closed doors, they're not feeling that loss right. Laying down at night, trying to fall asleep, thinking about it. Cause they know they made mistakes too. Sure. They know that they cause problems in that relationship to fail. Even if they're putting all the blame on you, they have to get to that point at some time. Right. So hopefully this makes you feel a little bit better about Valentine's day. And just knowing that there's a very good chance that they're thinking about you wondering how you are, wondering what's going on with you and that they're struggling with that day too. Right? Okay. Hopefully you found this video helpful. And of course, if you want to get our help personally, just go to my website, askcraig.net, sign up for the coaching option that works best for you.

My Ex Said I'll Always Love You

Craig (00:00):

Today we're going to be talking about I'll always love you. You know, Margaret, that is actually something that comes up quite often in breakups, where somebody will say to their partner, I'll always love you, I want the best for you, but they can't do the relationship anymore. Okay. Now, in many cases, it's because there was a situation that kept going on over and over again, and they got frustrated and fed up and they didn't want to deal with it anymore, but there are always very unique situations and breakups. And I say that all the time, every situation is different. Every breakup is different. And I thought this was a really interesting email coaching that I had today that I think you guys will like. This is from a woman in her mid forties, single mother, and a guy in his late thirties. Now he doesn't have any kids. She says we had a passionate, loving relationship for nine months. He was affectionate, always telling me how much he loved me. He's from a wealthy family. I won't say what his dad's career is, but it was a let's say a successful career who had a father who was egotistical and impossible to please. Eric would do anything to try and impress him. His mother left Eric when he was a small child, let's say around kindergarten age, he still won't speak to her. He stayed living with his dad and he had a privileged life, but not one full of love and warmth. It was materially privileged. Yeah. His ex-wife was a trust fund child and had no need to work. At first, he worked at a job. Let's say an average job. I'm not going to say the career. Um but his wife gave him an ultimatum of giving up work and traveling the world with her or she would divorce him.

Margaret (02:53):

I wish somebody give me that one.

Craig (02:58):

Sounds pretty terrible. Doesn't it? Yeah. Give up working and travel the world with me. I won't do it. I won't do it. I will do it. I will do it. Not during coronavirus though. No, I won't do it then. He gave up his job and traveled for years living off her family's fortune. He told me she was not a nice person and extremely controlling. After over 10 years of marriage, one day she disappeared.

Margaret (03:30):

Oh Lord, just like his mother.

Craig (03:33):

Then he got divorce papers delivered stating he would not receive any of the family's money. He was depressed for several years, not working or seeing anyone else until he met me. He got a job in sales and seemed happy and confident in his work and we had a great time in our relationship. COVID hit. Then he was placed on furlough. This is when things started going downhill for us. He has a sibling that had been running their father's business, but had gotten into a dispute with the dad over their pay and left suddenly. Eric stepped in as he currently wasn't working and ran the place far better than his sibling. His father was planning on retiring, but told Eric that if he wanted to continue, he could hire other people for the business by opening more businesses under their names like expanding , but dad would retire. Meanwhile, his sales job opened back up and offered him a position, a higher manager managerial position, which he turned down in favor of working for his father. Can you see the disaster coming? In the final month of our relationship, he was less affectionate and seemed off. Though he would say everything was great. When I asked about work, one night, we had an argument, nothing too serious. He apologized the next day. But then when silent for several days after that. You could already see working for the dad was going to be a nightmare. Right. Because of the way dad treats him. Something he would, would always do after disagreement, but would make up for it after a few days, meaning disappear.

Margaret (06:02):

Withdraw after a disagreement,

Craig (06:04):

When I hadn't heard from him for five days, I texted and asked him to meet me and talk. We met. I never seen him. So agitated. He admitted to me that things were terrible at work. His father was horrible to work for. Of course. Yeah. Which is why the sibling got out. Right. And he was turning into an alcoholic, the father. And I wonder if it was turning into or already was. Yeah. His sibling was now refusing to talk to either of them. And that his dad was now saying that he was just going to sell the business, leaving Eric high and dry again. But you could see the stress going on here.

Margaret (06:56):

What's he going to do with the money from the business?

Craig (06:58):

He doesn't say probably just take it and retire. But then it sounds like the sibling was wise to be autonomous.

Margaret (07:05):

Very smart sibling. Good boy.

Craig (07:07):

I think the sibling had had enough. He told me his life was a mess and that I was the only stable thing in it. He said he loved me several times and cried, ending things by saying he just can't be in a relationship with me right now. He needed to get his life together. It couldn't bear being judged, feeling like a failure.

Margaret (07:37):

So that is the least healthy thing he could have done. So first he goes back to dad, which was not a healthy idea. And now he's going to push away his only support.

Craig (07:48):

Yeah. It's very sad. Very. Let me go on. I told him that I would help him, but he said, I couldn't. After we parted that night, he sent a text, ,I attached below then said, no, that I love you always. That was six weeks ago. And that was the last I heard from him. Having found the no contact advice in time. I texted him three times since, or she said she didn't find no contact in time. I texted him three times since about two to three weeks apart, the first two times just saying that I was thinking of him just one sentence. And the third time, just three days ago saying I was going to respect his decision not to have me in his life anymore. He hasn't responded to any of them. Will he ever reach out to me again? He's ADHD and likely a fearful avoidant. Wow. This was such a sad situation.

Margaret (08:54):

It is a sad situation

Craig (08:56):

Because he didn't want to break up with her. At least from what I'm reading here, he did it because I think he was still trying to end that cycle of making his father feel disappointed with him.

Margaret (09:12):

Yeah, I think so too. But again, it's a failure of individuation. He wasn't able to say to "dad, you go take a walk down, whatever money street there. Isn't a city state street bank street". Unfortunately I agree with you. I don't think he wanted to break up either. And we see this sometimes that people think they have to break up due to circumstances and instead put themselves in a situation where they go through the circumstances without the supportive partner and it's painful to see.

Craig (09:43):

Yeah. And I think he's probably thinking about her all the time. And I think he's probably feeling like he doesn't want to give it another chance but he doesn't want to feel like a failure with her too. I think he's so overwhelmed with feeling like a failure to his father that he can't think about disappointing another person or not being there for another person while he's overwhelmed with this business situation. And stress

Margaret (10:09):

Must have quite the hold on him.

Craig (10:11):

I think so, too. And so it's particularly sad because I don't think he wanted this relationship to end. Yeah. And the, the hard part for her is where would we be a year from now or six months from now, if he hadn't gone to work for dad, would they still be together? Now? Maybe it would have led to a breakup because of other issues, but feeling like he was taken away because of dad is even more painful.

Margaret (10:38):

Right. I feel very bad for her. Yeah. I feel bad for both of them. He needs to do something.

Craig (10:45):

So she wants to know, will he ever reach out? And I think it's not a matter of does he want to reach out? I think he wants to reach out. I think it's a matter of how does he resolve things with his dad? Does he let dad continue to run his life and manipulate him?

Margaret (11:01):

And you could only hope that in a few months he will think about that when he has a chance to miss her.

Craig (11:09):

Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully he'll realize that what they had was nice and good and that, you know, there was a lot of potential there and you know, that he is able to muster up enough strength and anger towards dad to say, "you know what I love you. And if you let me run the business, my way I'll do that. But I can't do it like this and I'm not going to do it like this. So it's either, let me run it or you sell a business and I'll go find something to do."

Margaret (11:38):

That's right. That's right. But he had to make another shot. He had to take another shot at pleasing dad, which it sounds like to me is totally impossible to do anyway.

Craig (11:50):

Yeah. Oh, of course. I think dad will never be happy no matter what he does or any of his children. And I think the sibling finally figured that out and said, I'm outta here. If the sibling is able to individually, hopefully Eric will be able to do that.

Margaret (12:03):

So I wonder if the sibling is older or younger,

Craig (12:07):

You know, and that I don't remember. But I'm just thinking he might have gotten more of mom. Yeah. That's a good question. I don't remember if he said that. Sorry, but you know, he probably thought that the sibling wasn't doing a good job, dad was probably painting the picture of the sibling, not doing a good job when the sibling was probably working their butt off to try and please dad, and you know, dad, wasn't happy. So Eric is thinking, Hey, my sibling can't do this. They can't, they're doing a terrible job. I could do a better job. And maybe they, he did, maybe Eric did. But I think that dad has him kind of brainwashed that the sibling was probably doing their best to try and please that he played them off against each other, all their lives. Yeah. So this is a particularly sad situation. I think if he can, individually, you will definitely hear from him again. It's just a matter of, can he stand up to dad or how it resolved with that and not regarding, it's not regarding how we felt about you, at least from what I'm reading don't know.

Margaret (13:16):

And she's probably thinking she did this wrong or she did that. Right. I don't think she did it all. Yeah. I think this was circumstance. So let's see what happens with time alone and let him do his process and feel his feelings.

Craig (13:29):

That's right. Tough situation, sad situation. Of course, if you want to get our help personally, just go to my website askcraig.net, sign up for the coaching option that works best for you.

My Ex Doesn't Follow Me BUT Stalks My Stories

Today we're going to be talking about, my ex doesn't follow me, but they stalk my stories. Oh man. Oh, this happens a lot. And we're going to be talking about that today, but I did want to let you guys know that we do have these brand new phone cases, as you can see, I got coach Margaret here to Supreme leader and Craig's logo. Yup. And you could get that on our Teespring store. If you're interested, just search coach Craig Kenneth on the Teespring store and you'll find them there. There's also a tee shirt with Margaret on there with the same picture Supreme leader and a mug for all you guys have been asking for merchandise, we finally got some ready for you. So check them out. You can take us with you wherever you go.

Craig (01:32):

There you go. So let's talk about this Margaret Instagram and stalking on Instagram and Facebook stories is absolutely huge in the age of social media. And of course there will be new avenues to stalk people in the next couple of years. And somebody sent me an email asking about this. They said, hello, coach Craig. I've been watching your channel for about three months. And I have to say you and Margaret are the best. Not only have you helped me feel much better about my breakup, but you taught me more about healthy relationships than my parents. Well, I'm so glad I wanted to say that I have been doing the work, 20 to 30 minutes on the workbooks every day and I feel so much better. I have all 10 and I'm so proud of myself. I feel like I'm actually doing something about fixing my issues. I feel like I'm going to school, but learning about myself. So thank you. I have one question. My girlfriend broke up with me about four months ago. I haven't heard from her since we initially broke up at the time. She told me that she doesn't see any reason to have any contact anymore. She said she didn't want to talk about anything and unfollowed and removed me from her followers. However, I do notice that she watches my Instagram stories. Almost every time I post them, I don't get it. She says she doesn't want anything to do with me, but still stalks me. I see your confusion. Yeah. They said, this is really confusing. Does this mean she still cares about me? Does she want to get back together? Well, I would definitely say that getting back together would be a huge leap. That would be a leap. But if for me, her behavior is telling me she's interested in enough in you enough to look on a fairly regular basis. And you know what? The Instagram stories, she knows that he can see that she's watching. So she's brave enough to do it, knowing that he knows that she's watching all these times, because it sounds like it's happening on a pretty consistent basis. It's not like it happened once and it hasn't happened in a few months. It sounds like it's maybe on a regular basis here. Like maybe once or twice a week or something like that. But it is certainly what one would call a mixed message. It is. Yeah. She says to him, you know, I don't see any reason why we should be in contact anymore yet. She's watching to see what you're doing.

Margaret (04:27):

Right. and people do give off mixed messages as human beings. We often do that. Sometimes our brain and our heart don't catch up with each other all at the same time. Would it meet the level of indirect direct?

New Speaker (04:42):

No, because there's nothing direct about it.

Margaret (04:45):

Yeah. It's indirect, indirect. It's indirect indirect.

New Speaker (04:48):

They haven't made any kind of actual effort or contact to contact you, but let them watch. And I mean, certainly the behavior says the person still has some interests. Absolutely. Yeah. Your actions are telling you something there or her actions are telling you something right there. If they truly had no interest, they wouldn't leave. Well, they wouldn't look. They just wouldn't care. Right. But the fact that they look says they care at least somewhat.

Margaret (05:18):

Right. I learned a long time ago that if words say one thing and behavior says the other, the behavior speaks louder. Absolutely.

Craig (05:30):

Or as I sometimes say, actions speak louder than words. It's very similar. But yeah, I mean, she can tell you all that. She wants how she doesn't care if she doesn't want to talk to you, but she's doing something to see what you're doing to stay connected with you, to see what's going on in your life. And she, and she knows, you know. Yeah. So she's sending you a very, very mixed, it is a big mixed message and just allow her to continue to watch. You don't have to hide anything. Nope. If she wants to reach out, she will, you know, it might be one of those things where she's like, I I'm frustrated. I want to know what he's doing, you know, but she's by herself and she cracks and she looks, and then afterwards she's like, I shouldn't have looked.

Margaret (06:18):

And besides he knows.

Craig (06:20):

They looked at now, he knows, I left, Oh my God. Now she's embarrassed. Right. So, but let her find the courage to do the indirect direct approach, which I'm sure is what someone would do. She's going to move in steps. Yeah, exactly. She'll go from indirect and direct to a little more directly. It's a little bit more direct and that's when you can do something about it. But it's common even for ex's that tell you, they're not interested. They're never going to date you again. All of a sudden who's looking at your statuses on Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat and feelings change as you pointed out often. That's right. Because you know, at the time she had said to you, she didn't see a reason to continue having contact, but clearly that's at least changed in some degree, I guess she found one.

Craig (07:11):

Yeah, exactly. Right. so this is not a surprise to me. I see things like this all the time where exes cut you off. They don't want to talk to you. They defriend, you, they block you, now they're unblocking you.

Margaret (07:26):

And you feel like all is lost. Yeah.

New Speaker (07:28):

Yeah. But you know, they do something in the moment. They're emotional, they're upset, they're confused. And in time they can process things. They can think about it. They can deal with it. And a lot of times they come back into your life and want to revisit and they want to see where you're at, what you're doing and the more you've done to grow and change, the more likely they're going to be like, wow. I mean, this is incredible. How much you've changed in such a short amount of time. And that's a lot more attractive to them.

Margaret (08:01):

Yeah. But consider yourself ever so slightly flattered. Yeah. Person. Didn't forget you.

Craig (08:07):

That's true. Yeah. You guys always worried if they forgot you, not if they're looking at your stories, not if they're looking at your stuff. Absolutely. All right. So hopefully this makes you guys feel a little bit better and clears that up a little bit for you.