My Ex Couldn't Take No Contact Any Longer

Craig (00:00):

Today we're going to be talking about my ex couldn't take no contact any longer. Isn't that wonderful? Oh, it sure is. You know, you guys are thinking the same thing, right? I can't take no contact any longer, right? When you're going no contact and you're leaving your ex alone. It's one of the hardest things that you have to do. And I had a nice discussion with somebody about that recently, who has a success story, and she's going to be writing me an email about what it was like for her to do no contact. But when you're not reaching out to your ex anymore, it's awful because now you feel just terrified that they're never going to reach out again.

Margaret (01:24):

And that they'll forget about you. Yes.

Craig (01:26):

Right? Which they do not. No, they don't, but we know why you feel like that. We understand why you feel like that. I felt like that, that you just think that the person's going to move on and it's so difficult to refrain from wanting to reach out, wanting to repair things, contacting them through any way possible. Even through friends and family, it's awful.

Margaret (01:53):

Both of which have to be not done. Don't do that. It'll get you in trouble.

Craig (01:59):

But we understand that when you're in no contact, it feels like an eternity. Every single day feels like an eternity. Every second of the day, you want to check your phone. I've been there. That's why I understand it so well. Cause I have been in that situation and I hated it. It's just the worst. And you watch your phone all day. That's all you do. Every time you look at it, you're just like, Ugh. Or every time it goes off, you're hoping that it's them. Right. That's so hard. But believe it or not, your ex isn't always certain about their decision. Even at the time that they make it. Now, a lot of the times they are certain in that moment in time, but that can change, right? Yes. Feelings can change. And you got to understand that it's hard to know sometimes what your ex is going through thinking or feeling for their situation with you. Cause it can vary based upon what happened in your relationship obviously. But you know, it would be easier for them if you were continuing to reach out when you go no contact and you no longer reach out to them, it makes it harder for them.

Margaret (03:19):

Yes it does. Yeah.

Craig (03:21):

Because they would like to know that you still want to be with them because then that option is there for them. And they don't feel so anxious about their decision. But when you choose to stop reaching out, that puts the pressure on them where they're wondering if you're going to reach out. But then they think, well, are they moving on?,

Margaret (03:45):

And they wonder if you're moving on. So you're kind of giving them back a dose of their own medicine.

Craig (03:50):

Exactly. But oftentimes no contact or when you're not reaching out to them is very difficult for them too. And sometimes they'll put posts up that you know, are about you, but you don't reach out. Sometimes they'll put posts that are implying about you. Right. And they're hoping that you're going to reach out to them because in that moment, maybe they're feeling some vulnerability or some confusion, but you know, you want them to reach out to make the first move.

Margaret (04:26):

Right. Right. The breakup, wasn't your idea of the ball's in their court.

Craig (04:29):

Exactly. So I've got a good email success story today and we haven't done a success story in awhile. No, but they remembered that we like to get success stories and share them with you guys,

Margaret (04:41):

Please, everyone. Remember we love to hear success stories. Absolutely.

Craig (04:45):

So when you have your success story, regardless of what it is with your ex, make sure you email me on the website. Okay. And you know, this is a really good one that I thought people would like to hear. So they said, well, coach Craig, I've been wanting to type this awhile now. Life's been busy. Then I remembered how you said you like to receive the success stories as well. On some of your videos. I spent almost five months going day in and day out in a scary haze after a breakup of over seven years, I was utterly lost in it. In every way I came across your videos. And most, every piece of advice I received from your chat or from your wisdom and knowledge on your channel, helped me get my ex back using no contact. Wow. By far the hardest thing I've ever had to do, considering the woman I lost, I always felt she was my soulmate. Somehow I still do after all this. Not one single text call email, nothing never once. Luckily I found you soon enough. I was determined. But after five months of no contact, she had found it to be almost impossible not to come to me wondering why things went no contact and realized what she had lost when we separated. That is big.

Margaret (06:31):

So she was expecting continued contact. Isn't that interesting?

Craig (06:35):

This is what we try and get you guys to see here. Right? She found it almost impossible not to go to him. And she was wondering why things had gone no contact. In other words, why he stopped reaching out,

Margaret (06:49):

You broke up with me

Craig (06:51):

And realized what she had lost and that's what we want your ex to go through. And that's why we stress the importance of working on yourself in that time. Right. That is the most critical thing because you don't know when they're going to reach out, they could reach out after a month, they could reach out after five months in this case, it could be a year later. Now we don't want you to put your life on hold, but we want you to grow in that time. So when they do reach out, you blow them away. Yeah. And I had a guy this week who was so depressed, just absolutely depressed. I think it was our third call together. And I got on him. I'm like, you've got to stay motivated because you don't know what's going to happen. After the first call, he, I think he's got a little bit more motivated than he kind of dropped. And then our most recent call. He's like, no, after our last call I've been working harder. Okay. So I quizzed him on some certain areas that I had told them to work on and he did better. And I'm like, keep going. You got to get yourself in the right position.

Margaret (08:00):

Because if she comes back and you're just the same, you were as you were when she left. Yeah.

Craig (08:04):

Yeah. But he's working really hard. Good for him. So I'm really proud of him. All right. Let me go on, to put then feelings into words is unexplainable. You're exceptional at what you do. And I can't express enough on how learning my attachment and reworking myself from inside out has changed my view on myself in a relationship. I couldn't afford coaching, but after much hard work done to myself after listening to so many videos and building myself up to that next level. And fortunately my ex had surprisingly done work on herself.

Margaret (08:52):

Wow. How wonderful.

Craig (08:54):

That is great. Through therapy, we were able to come to our senses and move forward with progress in learning and accepting each other for everything we are and are not. Sometimes I think back on the nights of laying there all night, trying to make sense of your videos and how it would work for me. Then it did, bam, late night call. She couldn't take it any longer

Margaret (09:28):

Great. He outlasted her

Craig (09:31):

And we worked it out from there. I am grateful to have found you. Thank you, coach Craig. You really have helped me change my life and relationship for the all around better. If it wasn't for these videos, I don't know how I would've made it through some of those long nights. That's the truth. You're the best at what you do. Stay positive. Add another success story to your list, coach. Thank you so much for sharing that. It's so encouraging to see you guys having success stories, hearing your guys' success stories and being able to share them.

Margaret (10:11):

So he did it himself just by watching the video. Wow. Yeah. That's great. Good for you.

Craig (10:17):

And there's well over 800 videos at this point and plenty more in the works.

Margaret (10:24):

I've heard that recently that somebody had counted them. Yeah.

Craig (10:28):

Well I know we've had certain people that we've worked with that have literally shown me that they've done all the videos. They literally showed me. Cause if you pull up your YouTube it shows the red bar on the bottom when you watched the video. Actually, I will let you know that my next project I have two people in mind that have worked with me quite a bit over the years. This one is one of them. Cause I know she's done the work. She is going to be previewing the project first to get an approval, to give me an approval and the new coach and approval and you to see it, to give us feedback,

Margaret (11:10):

That'd be wonderful. It is what I've seen of. It is absolutely wonderful. We will put the finishing touches on it.

Craig (11:16):

Yup. And by the time you guys see this video, it will probably be fairly close to being done. It's so exciting. But I have several people that are some of my best students that are going to look at it and preview it first because I want to make sure that you guys absolutely love what we have here. And I I'm fairly convinced that you will. But I just want to hear it from people that I know who have done absolutely tremendous amounts of work. So this is a great success story. And even though your situation feels hopeless, it doesn't mean that is one of the things that's the hardest to understand about being in no contact is that there can and will be a day for many of you where your ex does reach out again, despite going months of feeling hopeless and thinking they're never going to reach out, they often do. I mean, this example was five moths.

Margaret (12:16):

And this guy's partner was very honest with us, for which we thank her on saying she didn't really expect the no contact. She broke up, but she didn't expect the no contact. Yeah,

Craig (12:26):

Yeah, yeah. And you know, you guys have just got to stay working on yourself in this time. We know it's not easy when you're anxious and you're depressed. But the worst thing that can happen is that one day they pick up the phone, they want to see you, you get in front of them and you haven't changed and they see right through it

Margaret (12:47):

They'll see right through it. Right. Exactly. Particularly if they've changed.

Craig (12:54):

So you know, stay motivated. You never know what's going to happen either way. You're going to be a success story either. They're going to reach out and you'll have another chance with it or you're going to go on to meet and date amazing people with all this stuff that, you know, and you'll blow them away. Right, right. Right. Well, we'll see, you know, each person is meant to have their own destiny or future and whatever yours may be, you know, just make sure that it's great. Right, right. By doing the work.

Margaret (13:23):

And there's almost nothing that can't be changed if you're willing to work at it.

Craig (13:29):

Absolutely. And you can so great success story. Thank you for sharing it. And when you get yours, be sure to email me.

My Ex Said I'll Always Love You

Craig (00:00):

Today we're going to be talking about I'll always love you. You know, Margaret, that is actually something that comes up quite often in breakups, where somebody will say to their partner, I'll always love you, I want the best for you, but they can't do the relationship anymore. Okay. Now, in many cases, it's because there was a situation that kept going on over and over again, and they got frustrated and fed up and they didn't want to deal with it anymore, but there are always very unique situations and breakups. And I say that all the time, every situation is different. Every breakup is different. And I thought this was a really interesting email coaching that I had today that I think you guys will like. This is from a woman in her mid forties, single mother, and a guy in his late thirties. Now he doesn't have any kids. She says we had a passionate, loving relationship for nine months. He was affectionate, always telling me how much he loved me. He's from a wealthy family. I won't say what his dad's career is, but it was a let's say a successful career who had a father who was egotistical and impossible to please. Eric would do anything to try and impress him. His mother left Eric when he was a small child, let's say around kindergarten age, he still won't speak to her. He stayed living with his dad and he had a privileged life, but not one full of love and warmth. It was materially privileged. Yeah. His ex-wife was a trust fund child and had no need to work. At first, he worked at a job. Let's say an average job. I'm not going to say the career. Um but his wife gave him an ultimatum of giving up work and traveling the world with her or she would divorce him.

Margaret (02:53):

I wish somebody give me that one.

Craig (02:58):

Sounds pretty terrible. Doesn't it? Yeah. Give up working and travel the world with me. I won't do it. I won't do it. I will do it. I will do it. Not during coronavirus though. No, I won't do it then. He gave up his job and traveled for years living off her family's fortune. He told me she was not a nice person and extremely controlling. After over 10 years of marriage, one day she disappeared.

Margaret (03:30):

Oh Lord, just like his mother.

Craig (03:33):

Then he got divorce papers delivered stating he would not receive any of the family's money. He was depressed for several years, not working or seeing anyone else until he met me. He got a job in sales and seemed happy and confident in his work and we had a great time in our relationship. COVID hit. Then he was placed on furlough. This is when things started going downhill for us. He has a sibling that had been running their father's business, but had gotten into a dispute with the dad over their pay and left suddenly. Eric stepped in as he currently wasn't working and ran the place far better than his sibling. His father was planning on retiring, but told Eric that if he wanted to continue, he could hire other people for the business by opening more businesses under their names like expanding , but dad would retire. Meanwhile, his sales job opened back up and offered him a position, a higher manager managerial position, which he turned down in favor of working for his father. Can you see the disaster coming? In the final month of our relationship, he was less affectionate and seemed off. Though he would say everything was great. When I asked about work, one night, we had an argument, nothing too serious. He apologized the next day. But then when silent for several days after that. You could already see working for the dad was going to be a nightmare. Right. Because of the way dad treats him. Something he would, would always do after disagreement, but would make up for it after a few days, meaning disappear.

Margaret (06:02):

Withdraw after a disagreement,

Craig (06:04):

When I hadn't heard from him for five days, I texted and asked him to meet me and talk. We met. I never seen him. So agitated. He admitted to me that things were terrible at work. His father was horrible to work for. Of course. Yeah. Which is why the sibling got out. Right. And he was turning into an alcoholic, the father. And I wonder if it was turning into or already was. Yeah. His sibling was now refusing to talk to either of them. And that his dad was now saying that he was just going to sell the business, leaving Eric high and dry again. But you could see the stress going on here.

Margaret (06:56):

What's he going to do with the money from the business?

Craig (06:58):

He doesn't say probably just take it and retire. But then it sounds like the sibling was wise to be autonomous.

Margaret (07:05):

Very smart sibling. Good boy.

Craig (07:07):

I think the sibling had had enough. He told me his life was a mess and that I was the only stable thing in it. He said he loved me several times and cried, ending things by saying he just can't be in a relationship with me right now. He needed to get his life together. It couldn't bear being judged, feeling like a failure.

Margaret (07:37):

So that is the least healthy thing he could have done. So first he goes back to dad, which was not a healthy idea. And now he's going to push away his only support.

Craig (07:48):

Yeah. It's very sad. Very. Let me go on. I told him that I would help him, but he said, I couldn't. After we parted that night, he sent a text, ,I attached below then said, no, that I love you always. That was six weeks ago. And that was the last I heard from him. Having found the no contact advice in time. I texted him three times since, or she said she didn't find no contact in time. I texted him three times since about two to three weeks apart, the first two times just saying that I was thinking of him just one sentence. And the third time, just three days ago saying I was going to respect his decision not to have me in his life anymore. He hasn't responded to any of them. Will he ever reach out to me again? He's ADHD and likely a fearful avoidant. Wow. This was such a sad situation.

Margaret (08:54):

It is a sad situation

Craig (08:56):

Because he didn't want to break up with her. At least from what I'm reading here, he did it because I think he was still trying to end that cycle of making his father feel disappointed with him.

Margaret (09:12):

Yeah, I think so too. But again, it's a failure of individuation. He wasn't able to say to "dad, you go take a walk down, whatever money street there. Isn't a city state street bank street". Unfortunately I agree with you. I don't think he wanted to break up either. And we see this sometimes that people think they have to break up due to circumstances and instead put themselves in a situation where they go through the circumstances without the supportive partner and it's painful to see.

Craig (09:43):

Yeah. And I think he's probably thinking about her all the time. And I think he's probably feeling like he doesn't want to give it another chance but he doesn't want to feel like a failure with her too. I think he's so overwhelmed with feeling like a failure to his father that he can't think about disappointing another person or not being there for another person while he's overwhelmed with this business situation. And stress

Margaret (10:09):

Must have quite the hold on him.

Craig (10:11):

I think so, too. And so it's particularly sad because I don't think he wanted this relationship to end. Yeah. And the, the hard part for her is where would we be a year from now or six months from now, if he hadn't gone to work for dad, would they still be together? Now? Maybe it would have led to a breakup because of other issues, but feeling like he was taken away because of dad is even more painful.

Margaret (10:38):

Right. I feel very bad for her. Yeah. I feel bad for both of them. He needs to do something.

Craig (10:45):

So she wants to know, will he ever reach out? And I think it's not a matter of does he want to reach out? I think he wants to reach out. I think it's a matter of how does he resolve things with his dad? Does he let dad continue to run his life and manipulate him?

Margaret (11:01):

And you could only hope that in a few months he will think about that when he has a chance to miss her.

Craig (11:09):

Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully he'll realize that what they had was nice and good and that, you know, there was a lot of potential there and you know, that he is able to muster up enough strength and anger towards dad to say, "you know what I love you. And if you let me run the business, my way I'll do that. But I can't do it like this and I'm not going to do it like this. So it's either, let me run it or you sell a business and I'll go find something to do."

Margaret (11:38):

That's right. That's right. But he had to make another shot. He had to take another shot at pleasing dad, which it sounds like to me is totally impossible to do anyway.

Craig (11:50):

Yeah. Oh, of course. I think dad will never be happy no matter what he does or any of his children. And I think the sibling finally figured that out and said, I'm outta here. If the sibling is able to individually, hopefully Eric will be able to do that.

Margaret (12:03):

So I wonder if the sibling is older or younger,

Craig (12:07):

You know, and that I don't remember. But I'm just thinking he might have gotten more of mom. Yeah. That's a good question. I don't remember if he said that. Sorry, but you know, he probably thought that the sibling wasn't doing a good job, dad was probably painting the picture of the sibling, not doing a good job when the sibling was probably working their butt off to try and please dad, and you know, dad, wasn't happy. So Eric is thinking, Hey, my sibling can't do this. They can't, they're doing a terrible job. I could do a better job. And maybe they, he did, maybe Eric did. But I think that dad has him kind of brainwashed that the sibling was probably doing their best to try and please that he played them off against each other, all their lives. Yeah. So this is a particularly sad situation. I think if he can, individually, you will definitely hear from him again. It's just a matter of, can he stand up to dad or how it resolved with that and not regarding, it's not regarding how we felt about you, at least from what I'm reading don't know.

Margaret (13:16):

And she's probably thinking she did this wrong or she did that. Right. I don't think she did it all. Yeah. I think this was circumstance. So let's see what happens with time alone and let him do his process and feel his feelings.

Craig (13:29):

That's right. Tough situation, sad situation. Of course, if you want to get our help personally, just go to my website askcraig.net, sign up for the coaching option that works best for you.