My Ex Is Dating Someone Else. How That Can HELP You!

My Ex Is Dating Someone Else. How that can actually HELP you

My ex is dating someone else and we're gonna talk about that today. Sorry for the long delay on additional articles on my website. As you can imagine, I’m incredibly busy but will try to update more frequently.

One of the scariest part about going through a breakup is when you find out you discover or you suspect now dating somebody new.

It is the worst feeling in the world absolutely it is very difficult because in your mind that person is your world that the object of your affection and all you want to do is be with that person. So you assume that everybody else would have that same view of them.

So you're assuming that there going to see them as amazing perfect person too but they don't really know them right. They’re just starting to get there even know a lot of times when your ex leaves you and there might be a break or they could just immediately jump into something new they started dating this new person it looks perfect everything on their social media looks perfect you're seeing their spending time with friends and family and it is crushing.

Especially when you see that they’re spending time there with their family, introducing this new person in their family. For me, my heart was pounding. It's terrifying and it's not as bad as it feels.

I remember going through my break up and it was bad it was horrible but then I found out there's somebody else in the picture and it really “Oh my gosh”. My symptoms then just gets so much worse but it's really not as bad as it looks and it's not as bad as it feels.

I deal with you guys every single day with people around the world and I see it over and over again a lot of times you start it starts to date somebody new and it doesn't go nearly as great as it because it's really important to understand that is your ex does leave you for somebody else it can help you.

Margaret: Yes if they realize that that person does not have your wit and charm.

Craig: Which would happen with any woman I was dating lol.

 So let's get to the email they said: Hi crag I absolutely love you and your channel I've just found out I just found you about a month ago when my ex started dating someone else.

I'm not really sure if he left me for her or if they met afterwards. We dated for 2 years and things were really good for about a year and a half of it. In the last 6 months we've grown apart. Do to both of us having work and job stress. I knew things were getting bad but I was frustrated myself and didn't know what I wanted either.

I think he may have met a girl at work and started to like her. Of course neither of us really did what we needed to do to fix things and I think he took the easy way out I was wondering if you could talk about the grass is greener syndrome.

Can you please talk about that in the video do you think he could miss really miss me and want me back well let's talk about the grass is greener syndrome. Some people have asked me about that in the past and I don't think I've covered it before but the grass is greener syndrome is basically like the old saying that you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

What it could mean is that you know your ex sees something new some new opportunity maybe it's another person. Alot of times we feel like it's because of another person go or maybe they just see another change in life where it's a bit in a long term relationship. Maybe they’re feeling like I just want to be single fantasize about being single. They start to think about it and they long for it. They think it's going be one thing, but it's usually not.  There are positives and negatives to any situation so you know when you're in one situation really good other situation doing all kinds of fun things in there completely ignoring all the red flags in each other they're projecting their both projecting their fantasy perfect serious because eventually get tired of the other thing.

Well what could happen is they start to go out with this new person sometimes it doesn't even last long because you don't know how much or how little that person knows about relationships.

So maybe they go out on a date with somebody and that other new person was so awful there like Oh my God what have I done.

Then they look at you and so now he's thinking about you… You know what? He was always there for me. I don't know if I want to deal with this.

You start to realize that this new thing is going have its problems too.

They're going to start to miss what they had with you because they were attached to you love. They were with you for awhile, this is something new. There's no way to know that any kind of bond or attachment is going to happen

It's unlikely in most cases that they will attach to the new person but it's more of a projection of fantasy than anything real.

They may say or you were  too predictable and things are too boring. This guy is so exciting and so much fun and then she's realizing, you know what it's not so fun when he's black out drunk every single night.

Even though he's exciting, after a few months nobody's perfect.

They may have to run away and get away from the situation maybe you guys have been fighting a lot or arguing.

Even if your ex is dating somebody else, it really can help you because you might be looking at a situation with this new person doesn't compare to you.

It just takes time to realize that and I am telling you I say this time and time again I truly believe it, people do revisit the idea of getting back with you.

Feelings do change like the clouds of move across the sky.

When you can be strong and really work and focus on personal growth and development only better in those chances and that's why Margaret and I are so focused on educating you guys supporting you guys talking you through your situations because it is scary as hell.

If you make a mistake making your commitment it may be years before that gets undone.

So if you want to get our help her sleep just go to my website Askcraig.net Sign up for the coaching option that works best for you I do email coaching Skype coaching at if you got to get with me right away emergency Skype coaching Margaret is now available on the channel for Skype coaching too.

Should I Break No Contact For Valentines Day?

Should I Break No Contact For Valentines Day?

One of the biggest questions I get about Valentines Day and break ups is "Should I Break No Contact on Valentines Day"?

All Major holidays or birthdays are really scary days when you are going through a break up. Of course Valentines Day might be the worst (if not the worst) . Because it's centered around love and celebrating love with your partner. Now, you're dealing with a break up and hurting over someone you love and are really attached to.

You may feel an incredible amount of pressure on how to handle things. You worry about not buying them a gift. Or reaching out. Wishing them a Happy Valentines Day.

Holidays like Valentines Day are scary as hell because you put a tremendous amount of pressure on that day and knowing how to handle it.

There are a lot of break ups around Valentines Day so I know there will be a lot of new people who discover my work because of it.

So let me start by saying, I do not believe you should reach out to an Ex on Valentines Day.

Now, I'm sure you doubt that and you are scared, but let me explain why.

If you reach out, your ex knows you still want to work things out. Chances are, they already knew that (you probably already did the begging, pleading, grand gestures, etc.) I get it. I've been there myself.

You want your ex to miss you. You want them to wonder if YOU'VE moved on. You want THEM to be scared that they are going to lose you. Why? Because I teach that anxiety is the root of desire.

If your ex starts to feel anxious over you, they'll start to miss you more and think about you more. Anxiety has a massive impact on our desire to be with someone. When your ex sees that you are no longer chasing them it makes them start to appreciate you a lot more.

Emailer: Great timing, Coach. This is a particularly hard month for me coz it's the anniversary of when my ex must have met his new gf and decided to split with me. It's driving me crazy wondering if this date or other was the day they met. Then the anniversary of our split is coming up before the end of the month. All things considered, I am doing quite well but feeling very delicate.

Your thoughtfulness is much appreciated. Family/friends just don't get the suffering goes deeper than just being single on Valentine's. Glad to have you on our side.

Blessings to you and Margaret.

Second email: Hi Craig, I really wanted to say how much you’ve helped me in this last month without even knowing it. I was so devastated after the breakup but then I’ve found your channel.I’ve bought two different guides on how to get my ex back but they both were confusing and made the situation go worse. Thanks to you I have some hope back. You’ve given me the patience of waiting for him to be ready and above all the motivation to change my life for good. I just can’t wait to email you my success story and to book a Skype coaching; while I wait I just wanted to ask you if you could do an Instagram account for live videos and suggestions. 

Thank you so much for everything.

Craig: We put meaning on that day. We think that If we don’t talk on Valentines Day, it means something. We have a belief that the relationship is truly over. Or they’re really gone for good. That simply is not the case. There are many people will not hear from their ex on Valentines Day and they will still come back!

You can’t help obsess over what THEY are doing for Valentines Day. You start checking their Snapchat and Instagram and they put up vague pictures of gifts they got. Sometimes your ex may try to make you jealous and put flowers and gifts that they bought for themselves! They like the attention and not to appear lonely.

You can’t help but think that they should be with you. I remember thinking: How can they not want to be with me?  When the only thing you want is to be with them. It's absolutely one of the most painful feelings.

But we are wired to attach. We are built to attach to love ones. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being sad, depressed or feeling guilty over a break up. In fact, there's something wrong with you if you don't care about them or miss them.

It’s torture and I know suggesting you not to reach out (AKA no contact) also feels like torture.

You may not know anything about No Contact (or as I prefer to call it No Reaching Out)

I have an entire playlist about no contact on my Youtube Channel.

I believe that if someone breaks you with you, you do not contact them for any reason. You simply walk away and move on. Begging, pleading, and manipulating does not work.

Walking away does a lot of things, including makes that person wonder if ending the relationship is the right decision. They'll start to think about a lot of things and wonder if they have made a mistake.

You now want to take the time to work on yourself. Think about the mistakes you made in the relationship and learning to be a better partner (I have over 400 videos on Youtube and they all in some way teach you these things). You will learn more about relationships than you could have ever dreamed. And all it takes is spending some time bettering yourself. When your ex does reach out, they will be shocked by all the changes you made and give you the second chance you're desperately hoping for.

So no, I do not think you should break no contact for Valentines Day.

When Does No Contact Start Working?

When Does No Contact Start Working?

One of the biggest questions I get is: when does no contact start working?

A lot of times when you go no contact during a break up, you feel tremendous amounts of separation anxiety.

A break up is a symptom of a problem. A break up is because there were problems in a relationship.

Due to a tremendous amount of bad information regarding break ups, people think that no contact is the way to get your ex back. But there is a lot more to getting an ex back then no contact. It’s a very poor thought process to follow.

Just follow that train of thought for a moment and you’ll see…

That’s like saying if your car has a problem with the engine, if you leave it in your garage for a few weeks untouched the engine is going to repair itself.

The problem is still going to be there. If you go back to that problem tomorrow, the problem still exists. Things aren’t going to get better or improve.

Here’s the other thing, you’re not a mechanic. And neither are your thoughts and friends. Be very careful as they will very often give you bad advice that makes things worse. But I am. I’m going to look at the situation and see what needs a repair. This is what my passion is. Helping fix relationships that are falling apart.

You need to know what the problem is before you can fix it. That’s why I’m here guys. Let me assess the problem and help you fix it.

Every break up is different. Using no contact to fix every break up would be like trying to use one part on every different car.

Parts from a 2017 Lexus are not going to work on a 1978 Pinto.

Each situation requires different repairs. Some of you don’t know that I am beyond qualified to help. I have been a Therapist since 2002 and before that I did behavior analysis for almost 4 years. On top of that, I have made it my mission to help better their relationships.

I have an email here from Hans who writes:

Hey Craig, I feel really stuck right now. My girlfriend and I split up about 2 months ago. We were dating on and off for about 2 years. I came across your amazing channel and I have learned more about relationships in the past few months than I ever had. I am doing no contact with my ex but she hasn’t reached out.

My anxiety is almost paralyzing my life. I feel like I can’t do anything anymore. I try talking with friends about my situation but I just feel like they can’t even hear me anymore. They must be absolutely sick of me by now.

The worst part is that when I do talk with family they keep telling me to reach out to her. But she said she  needed space.

Craig: If she told you she needs space then I would wait to hear from her. The only reason you are trying to reach out is because you are trying to sooth your own anxiety.

This is not healthy. You are essentially using them as an object (to get what you need met) and are completely ignoring their needs.

Your internal state (of anxiety) does not give you the right to impose on other people. This is not just with anxiety. This can be with many areas of your life.

If you’re angry at your boss, it doesn’t give you the right to come home and mistreat the people in your family. Like yell at your kids.

You have to act like an adult and part of that means not stepping on someone else’s boundaries.

A big problem in relationships is that when we feel anxious in relationships we completely lose awareness of what the other person is feeling.

We don’t care about what they want. We only care about what WE want. This is incredibly selfish and is going to make your partner feel smothered and trapped.

Email continued: I literally feeling like I’m dying inside and I feel like she doesn’t even care.

Craig: Right now that might be true. Right NOW at this moment she may not care. But just like your feelings change and are affected by a lot of things, so are theirs.

Think about Thanksgiving. Before you eat the huge dinner, you’re starving. So if I ask you if you’re hungry, of course you’ll say yes. Now, if I ask you if you’re hungry 20 minutes after you eat. You’ll look at me like I’m crazy.

But, if you don’t eat for a week, you’ll be starving again. Over time, feelings change. How you feel today, can be completely different a month from now.

I know why you are scared. You are basically afraid they will never return. There is no guarantee that they will. BUT, most people will revisit the idea of getting back with an ex. It all depends on their relationship with you and attachment with you. But it’s also going to depend on your behavior and how attractive it is.

So yes, most people will revisit the idea of getting back with someone at one point.

Email continued: I am looking forward to our Skype coaching next week. In the meantime I just want to know, when does no contact start working?

Well you may not like this answer because its not concrete. It’s fluid to each situation. It depends on their attachment to you, what the reasons were for the break up, there a lot of factors.

I would say No contact starts to work when the person feels more space away from you than what they want.

If they want this much distance (you have to see this visually on the video), but you give them this much, they will start to get anxious about you.

So it’s not about when you get separation anxiety (because you’re likely getting it way before them) It’s about when THEY get separation anxiety.

That’s when they will likely reach out and do the indirect/direct approach.

But if you haven’t correctly assessed what the problems of the relationship were, and worked on fixing them. You’re going to lose them again. And next time may be your last. We often time have a very slim margin for error when trying to get an ex back (I mean come on, they’re already fed up or upset enough to end the relationship)

So, if you want professional help in getting an ex back, I’m here to help. I’m going to look at your situation and help you not only get prepared, but over prepared.

How Do I Know If Someone Is Thinking About Me?

How to know if someone is constantly thinking about you

Have you ever wondered if someone is thinking about you? You know you're thinking about them all the time and the thoughts are intrusive... Of course at some point we've wondered if that person is thinking about us as much as we are thinking about them.

So this video (and article) I look at some obvious signs and some not so obvious signs.

I got an email from someone who asked:

Hey Craig huge fan of your channel and you are my favorite Youtuber! Your videos are by far the most insightful and you truly have changed my life. Please please please can you do a video on how to know if someone is constantly thinking about you?

I have obsessive thoughts about my ex all the time and I cannot stop thinking about them. Yet every single day I cant help but feel hopeless that he doesn’t even care.

So here are 15 signs they are thinking about you:

1) If they have ever told you they love you. Because they were emotionally attached at some point and probably still are.

2) If they are emotional around you. Maybe they lose emotional self control. Get angry, scared, sad. It shows they CARE. They care about the situation and the outcome.

One time I had an ex get mad at me because I tickled her! She screamed she hated me and left the house. So I knew she still cared about me.

3) They do you favors. It shows they are invested in you and your relationship with them. (cooking for you, coming up with plans, taking care of you) It shows they care about you and the relationship.

4) If they appear friendly and excited to hear from you or when you see them. You can see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice and generally see their attitude around you.

5) If they are talkative around you. Shows they are interested in connecting with you.

6) Tell friends and family about you. Shows they want to show you off. They see you as part of their life and you are kind of an extension of them.

7) Pet names. Even after a break up they can slip up and call you pet names. It shows they still see you in that old way.

8) If you’re with them and they want to be close to you proximity wise. It may mean they are trying to bond with you. If they are affectionate in any way.

9) Do they try to parent you. Women can become very motherly and nurturing. Women sometimes want to cook for you and feed you. Men can try and be protective for example.

10) Talk about future plans. Why would they bring up future plans if they didn't think about you right?

After a break up: They’re going to be more sly

11) They do an Indirect/Direct approach. When someone reaches out to you but in an indirect way. So they directly message you or contact you... but they're indirect about what they want. They might ask a question they don't really need an answer to or use a reason to reach out.

12) They don’t want you to know about the new person they are dating. They hide it from you is a sign they don’t want you to get upset. They don’t want to close the door with you.

13) They post songs or memes on social media (you KNOW it’s about you). You can't say it or mention it but they're trying to get your attention.

14) They ask friends and family about you (what are you doing? how is your life?) It shows they care...

15) Accidentally slip up on your social media (They slip up about something you posted on social media and it was the only way they would know). So it shows they've been stalking your social media (which they wouldn't do if they weren't thinking about you).

So those are 15 signs that I see if someone is thinking about you.

Are you struggling with your breakup? My workbook series The Knowledge will help you grow, change, and re-attract your ex. Just click the link below.

What To Do If Your Ex Ignores You

What To Do If Your Ex Ignores You

Have you ever been ignored? Of course! At some point it happens to us all.

Being ignored is incredibly painful. Even if you are feeling ignored it hurts just as much to feel ignored as if we are. It doesn’t matter if it is real or imagined… it hurts just as much.

Sometimes you don’t know if they’re ignoring you or not. It can make you go crazy. You can have friends ignore you and it bothers you.

We reach out and they ignore us. It literally causes us physical pain. There is a biological component behind it. Its like a warning of death.

Part of the reason we have society and relationships is to stay safe and when you are outside of those norms you are rejected. Putting you in isolation which means danger.

The person that ignores you… They have the power in that situation. When you continue to reach out it makes you appear to be more powerless and in control and gives you less power.

People do not do well with power in relationships. I see this all the time. There has to be a certain balance and equality. Without it, one person is powerless the other controls everything.

When they control everything, they lose attraction.

Today's email is from a woman in her late 20s dating a guy in his mid 30s for about a year

His Mom is bus driver and dad retired. Very nice friendly people.

What were their reasons for breaking up with you? He said I betrayed his trust. We slept together I was about to get my period and I didn’t took the baby pill, next day he got me a 72 hours pill just in case but I never took it cause it wasn’t serious for me I told him and he got furious and broke up. 

How did you handle the break up/ how did you act?

 I was devastated, I begged for a chance, I got sick and lost 15 pounds. I apologized cause I never meant to hurt him or betray him never. I was hurt that he even thinks that.

What did your ex say was the 2 biggest problems in the relationship were? My attitude, and negativity

What is your question? 

Craig my ex won’t talk to me he reads my messages but ignores. I found out he is texting other women. Which broke my heart.

He told me he would think and give me a final decision. I think he wants to see where it’s going with this other girl

 I asked him a lot of times if he wants me to leave but he won’t tell me. Why Craig ?

I’m scared to lose him. He didn’t block me but he keeps reading my messages and ignores it’s been 4 weeks like that.

I’m so scared I miss him so much. Help me what should I do?

Craig: Tough situation. There's a lot going on. He's ignoring your messages. You also learned that he is texting other women, so we know he is looking to see what else is out there (as far as options). He said he would get back to you and give you his "final decision". I think he hasn't done that yet because he has you as a back up right now (to see if there is another option he likes more).

He is exploring how things go with these new women, and if it goes well with them, he'll cut you loose.

Now, we know that he hasn't blocked you, but you do not want to keep reaching out to this guy. We know that he's talking to other women AND he's ignoring you.

If someone ignores you, I don't think you should continue to pursue them. If someone ignores me, I move on. That's the healthiest attitude to have with people. Putting yourself first. Not putting them before you and acting like they are more important than you are.

It is incredibly painful to be ignored by someone. And it's incredibly scary to fear losing someone. But, you need to get some power back for yourself. He needs to start missing you.

You need to stop any further movement. They have to realize that they are going to lose you if they don't do something about things.

Are you struggling with your breakup? My workbook series The Knowledge, is available now! It will help you grow, change, and re-attract your ex. Click the link below.

How To Make Your Ex Regret Leaving/ Rejecting You

How To Make Your Ex Regret Leaving/ Dumping You

I know just about everyone who is dumped and broken up with wants their ex to regret leaving you- Whether you want them back or decide they’re not right for you. Ya still probably want them to regret it.

I got an email today from Alex who said:

Hi Craig, I’m a huge fan of your channel and have been watching you for several months. My ex broke up with me and left me for another guy. Your videos are truly the only things that have made me feel any better. So thank you so much for that.

I have been having a really difficult time with my break up. I’ve been anxious, depressed and in a really bad place. I look at her social media and cannot believe all the pictures she is posting with this new guy. It makes me sick to my stomach. The guy isn’t even good looking. He’s out of shape and he lives with his parents. I’m so angry and hurt by what she did. I wish more than anything I could make her regret what she did.

Can you please make a video on how to make your ex regret breaking up with you?

A lot of you are coming from a place of hurt and anger. Completely normal. It hurts our self esteem. But you can take a break up and use it to inspire you.

That’s one of the things I love about break ups. Nothing motivates a person more than going through a break up.

Can you think of anytime in your life where you have been more motivated? You can’t. So focus on the fact that if you stay motivated enough, you will probably put yourself in the best place you have ever been.

So here are some ways you can make your ex regret the break up:

Stay positive- especially on social media. don’t post or say anything negative. Don’t post depressing memes or songs about how you miss them.

When you do post on social media- let them see your awesome life

You want to Display a high status.

For example: Get in shape, if you go back to school, get a better job or a promotion. Do something you’ve always wanted to do.

Now make sure you do these things for you. I know in many cases it’s because you want them back. But the changes are going to be a lot more likely to stick of they are for you.

So focus on your life- but make sure it’s unrelated to them or getting them back.

Find your passion in your life. We all have different gifts. Figure out yours and share it to make the world better. Nothing will feel better than helping other people.

Learn more about love and relationships than you’ve ever learned before. Learn to be a better partner, not for them, but for you. Because you want to be the best version of yourself.

Focus on working through your attachment trauma. Get a local therapist. Do coaching with me. Nobody knows more about this stuff than I do. I lived it. Going through incredibly painful break ups and having massive amounts of anxiety is what fueled my desire to learn everything I possibly could about relationships and break ups.

I used my break ups to help me be who I am today.

Turn your weaknesses into strengths. Look at the things that you need to improve and make them something that would shock your doubters.

Be happy

Live the life they wish they could

When they do come back around- don’t be petty. Don’t try to rub it in their face. “Oh Now you like me”.

Show emotional Strength

Either ask them to hang out- or enjoy knowing they made a mistake

Even if they never know, you’ll know. And nothing should be more satisfying than that.

Avoidant Attachment Style

Avoidant Attachment Style

There are 3 major attachment styles: Secure, Preoccupied anxious, and Avoidant. In this video I discuss Avoidant

People who have an avoidant attachment style most likely had a lot of neglect in the childhood. They may have had parents that were inconsistent, had mental health issues, anxiety or depression.

Their parents were often times not very present with them. So growing up they felt like their parent had no interest in knowing them or their internal state. How they feel.

So they grow up ignoring what is going on within them.

They generally learn in their childhood not to trust or count on anyone. 

The attachment we form with our parents, we act out in our romantic relationships.

They don’t attach well, so it’s a lot easier for them to walk away from a situation. They’ll be less likely to do any work on themselves. They don’t think they have a problem.

Avoidants are often uncomfortable sharing their feelings. They don’t want to open up. They don’t want to think about their feelings. They tend to sweep their feelings under the rug.

They prefer casual sex because they get the physical closeness without the emotional connection.

They often disregard their partners feelings. They can be very business like and cold. They ignore their own feelings- so you can imagine they will ignore yours. IF you try and share them with them, they often accuse you of being sensitive.

They’ll do things to sabotage your relationship if they feel too close to you. They’ll complain about you, distort reality, judge you, be overly critical, lie, stonewall you.

They often blame you for things that they are doing wrong in the relationship. They lack empathy and can appear cold.

They don’t admit mistakes or take responsibility. They’ll blame you. They don’t want to get professional help or even acknowledge they have a problem.

They brag about independence, so they can be mistaken as secure.

They feel smothered easily.

In today's email coaching I discuss a guy in his mid 20s dating a woman around the same age for just under 3 years.

• Brought up in a well supportive family, mum and dad didn’t argue much
• She was always quite anxious and mum was too. Mum lost her dad at a young age which impacted her. My ex would always be very punctual to things and would get anxious about being late. Sounds like she had an anxious attachment style
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• She is very attached to her parents and speaks to them a lot. She moved back to her parents house when she started working.
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• Something I realized after watching your videos is that I have an avoidant attachment style. I’m so glad they are helping
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•  I pushed her away and kept her at a distance when replying to messages and would sometimes cut off contact because I would be afraid of being trapped. Yes!
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• She would sometimes ask to see me and I would say I was busy or tired because I wanted time to myself. This was especially true over the past year when we started doing long distance and we would only see each other once a week.
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• In the months before the breakup we had several conversations where she would open up about how distant we had become and how she felt like I wasn’t being emotionally available. She said I would filter everything I said which I didn’t know how not to do at the time because it was a defense mechanism to avoid being vulnerable.  So she didn’t feel loved enough. She felt abandoned.
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• We broke up whilst away for a summer break. We were at dinner one evening and she was being more quiet than usual. I didn’t press her and there was a moment where we didn’t say anything for a few good minutes. We went to bed without speaking much. The next day she was completely distant and anything I said she would be short and borderline rude. She wouldn’t make conversation at all and we got through the day without saying barely anything to each other. We slept in different rooms that night.
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• The next morning I went in to speak to her and she said she couldn’t be in the relationship anymore and had been feeling so much anxiety about how different we were and how she would wake up every morning feeling like a weight was there. She had been feeling this way since we had started doing long distance and I had not made any effort. It had gotten to the stage where she associated me with feelings of anxiety.
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• Craig: Yes, and this caused her physical pain
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• I asked her if she still loved me and she said yes but it wasn’t enough and she didn’t have any more energy to give. She said she needed to be selfish and have the time to find herself.
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• She said she thought initially we could have a break but she didn’t want to give me false hope so ended it. She said she needed to work on herself and I should do the same. She cut all contact and deleted me off social media.
  
   
• When she first told me it was over I realized how much of a douchebag I had been and was going to lose her forever. I said I was sorry and asked her for another chance. She said ok…. Joking, she said no. It was painful and i tried to ask her in different ways but still it was a no.
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• When we got back, I messaged her a few days later and asked her to meet up. When she said no I said ok and wished her the best
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• I started watching your videos on attachment and relationships and realized my own attachment issues. I started therapy weekly, exercising, meeting with friends, doing hobbies and reading self-development books.
• A week and a half after the breakup sent her a handwritten letter :),
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• Craig: ☹ You know I would never tell you to do that.
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• not to beg (although I did apologize for being selfish and for taking her for granted) but to let her know of the insight that I had gained and that I was taking steps to improve the things that were wrong in the relationship. She replied by email and said whilst she appreciated the letter she had to take this chance at a fresh start. She said she didn’t want to give me false hope so couldn’t promise anything would happen again. 
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• Craig: Yeah, it didn’t raise her interest
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• I replied to the email saying thanks and said id be there to talk if she wanted but I couldn’t put my life on hold. Good!
• Since then have been in no contact. I have actually moved back home for another job so the long distance element is gone.

• We were too emotionally different
• I was making her relive all the anxiety she had experienced in the past
   
  As someone with an avoidant attachment style (and an ex with a likely anxious style) how do I show her I have changed for good?

Craig: You haven’t changed for good. You’ve only just started a month ago. You may be making progress but I guarantee if she took you back tomorrow, you would go back to your old ways in 3 months and lose her for good. It takes TIME. Like 6 months to make REAL deep internal changes.

Now I’m not saying if she reaches out in 2 months don’t go for it… But you are crazy if you think you’ve changed for good after a month. You’re lying to yourself because you want her back.

•  
•  
•  She left because she thought I never would change but now she’s gone it feels like she will never change her mind. We all feel like that. Believe me.
•  
• Is there anything you would suggest I do differently?

You cannot force it. It’s your anxiety that is causing you to do that. See video for full answer.

I'm Scared My Ex Moved ON

I’m Scared My Ex Moved On

Craig: If you are going through a break up, one of the scariest parts is the fear that your ex will move on. It’s a realistic fear.  In many cases your ex will move on.

As your coach, the biggest thing that frustrates me is when you guys get the opportunity with them and you screw it up. In many cases badly.

It’s not easy. I have a success story that I wanted to share:

 Hi Craig

Long time no talk,

not sure if you remember me or not, however i left some of our previous conversations below also somewhere in there is previous Skype session details. Anyway. long story short we have a success story.

After my last session with you, things with my ex and i continued to go down a bit of a slippery slope, as much as I dont want to admit i still found it hard to let go, however little did i know she also was finding it difficult, she continued to get ultimatums from her new Partner who did not want her speaking or seeing me.

i found this difficult because it was creating a push pull between my ex and I so i did what you suggested all along and that was do my best to completely cut ties and walk away.

Even at training when we were both there i did my best to avoid and make minimal conversation.

She continued to try and reach out. A few weeks ago, she broke things off with her New boyfriend and said she wished she had done things sooner but was scared because she didn't know how i felt for her.

She decided it wasn't right to stay where she didn't love. she has started going to counseling to work on herself as she wants to be stable and a better person and she said she would love to give things another go with me after she continues to work on herself and gets to the stage where i can see and she can prove she is worth it.

She has gone over to Australia for a week to spend time with her Mum and when she returns she is going to sort out new accommodation and find a new job so she can get away from her old toxic environments and continue to work on herself and continue her weekly counseling sessions.

Anyway. i just wanted to give you and update and thank you for your advise it does indeed work.

I admit, at times I did not think it would happen, but you were right all it took was time and patience.

Thank you for everything.

Second email is from a woman in her mid twenties

Hi Coach,

I am a huge fan of your channel. Unfortunately, I feel like I found you too late. I’m embarrassed to say but I was watching these two other coaches before I came to yours.

I was with my boyfriend for 3 years. We broke up 2 months ago after we had a huge argument where I was jealous over one of his female friends. My ex has been friends with this girl since high school and they never dated.

But I was always jealous of her and hated her. She never did anything bad to me. Never spoke bad of me and never got in the middle of my relationship with her. But she’s really pretty and nice and I know she’s got a lot more to offer than me.

I hated it. It made me crazy any time she texted my boyfriend. I would sneak through his phone and see what they said to each other. He never gave me any reason to be upset and was only just friendly in the texts. But I couldn’t control myself.

Recently he was going out with some friends for her birthday dinner. He invited me but I told him I didn’t want to go. I really didn’t want him to go and I told him I had a migraine and begged him to stay home with me. He said he wasn’t going to miss her birthday. I was so pissed. I screamed at him, I told him he didn’t love me. I cursed at him and threw him out of the house.

The next morning he told me he needed a break. I lost it again. I blamed her. Said it was his friends idea to dump me. Asked him if he had screwed her that night. He just left and said “ you need some F in help”.

For 3 days I texted him, apologized and asked for another chance.

That’s when I came online looking for break up advice.

I started watching videos by some other coaches. There was this one who I thought seemed nice and was pretty.

I did a call with her. It was terrible. I honestly felt like she gives the same advice to everyone. She had no insight and quite honestly I wasn’t even sure she was listening.

She kept trying to talk to about doing a handwritten letter. She swore it would help. Then I go to look at his facebook and it says he’s in a relationship.

He’s such a great guy. I really screwed up. Thanks to your videos I realize that I have an anxious attachment style and had an attachment trauma. My parents split up when I was about a year old and I think it put a lot of stress on my mom.

Do you think he’s going to get serious with this girl? BTW its not his friend. I’m really scared he will. I know she lives about 45 minutes away from him.

Hello Coach,

Hope you have a happy lasagna day this weekend.

I want to just say thank you so much for teaching what you do. You are absolutely changing the world with the information you shared and have completely destroyed all the other BS on break ups. You seriously are a hero and I feel like you are a brother to me.

I messed up really really bad.

I am a 29 year old guy. My ex girlfriend is 27. We dated for 18 months. We met at a small festival and hit it off.

About 2 months ago we went out drinking and I had quite a bit to drink. A girl started smiling at me. Next thing I know we started dancing.

We started making out. I honestly don’t remember it but she was furious. There was a huge argument and she left with her friends.

She wouldn’t talk with me the next day. She said I’m going to show you how it feels.

So she went out with some of her girlfriends and they sent me a video of her kissing a random guy.

I felt like dying inside. I am so lost. I’m angry at myself and her. Did I cause this for myself? I’m trying to take responsibility.

A week later I called her and she picked up. She said she thought we were broken up and had even gone on a date with the guy she kissed.

She said she doesn’t know what she wants right now. That she has been seeing this guy every week and she is starting to like him.

I’m terribly confused right now and scared. I am really angry at myself for causing all this to happen. All I do is watch your videos all day long. It’s the only thing that makes me feel any better.

Is she over me? Is there any turning back from this? Should I ask her out?

Does My Ex Miss Me?

Does My Ex Miss Me?

Do you wonder if your ex ever thinks about you?

It’s probably one of the things that scares you the most going through a break up. Do they miss me? Do they think about getting back together.

 At times we look at their behavior and think: there’s no way they’re thinking about me.

Sometimes it’s true. Sometimes they aren’t thinking about you.. Or thinking about you that much.

One of the things that you have to understand is that feelings change.

 I see how many of you guys get. You work on yourself when you are really anxious but you think you have shot. But once you think they aren’t coming back, you fall back into your old patterns.

When it comes to being their best option, you have to be in it for the long haul. I try to warn you guys all the time, but you don’t see things play out like I do.

I have 2 good emails today.

I got an email from a 28 year old guy.

Hi Craig,

I am embarrassed to say that I am not one of your success stories. I screwed up badly.

I found your channel last fall after a break up with my girlfriend Jenna. I watched your videos every day for about 4 months. Around January I saw she started dating another guy and I gave up on my ex ever coming back. I gave up on myself too.

I stopped watching your videos little by little. I’m embarrassed to say I even unsubscribed to your channel.

 I bumped into her at a bar I frequent with friends. When I saw her I was thinking what is she doing here?

She gave me the biggest smile and looked so excited to see me.

She told me she missed me. My heart was pounding. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning.

She admitted that she had started thinking about me a lot. After we had a few drinks she said that she was hoping she bumped into me at the bar.

She even admitted she would check my social media. That she wondered if we would ever have another chance.

This was a girl that wouldn’t even return a text message to me last time I texted her. 

 She asked me about how I was. My career had gone nowhere, I was still living in the same small place that I vowed I would get out of, I had put on a ton of weight, I hadn’t pursued my career at all.

Man Craig, I have never been so disappointed in myself. As I started answering her questions she looked more and more turned off. She had gone from missing me to looking for an excuse to leave.

I went home and tt brought up all my past feelings of anxiety and missing her. I had no idea that she could ever think about me so long after a break up.

A second email here from Debbie.

Hello coach Craig. Thank you for your amazing videos. I am a huge fan.

I am 28 year old woman who dated a 33 year old guy for 3 years.

We broke up about 3 months ago due to constant fighting. We lived together and often talked about getting married in the future.

 The problem for me was that he worked a lot of evenings. On his nights off he would often go out with friends. So I would only get to spend 2 nights with him and a decent amount of time together on the weekends.

I would get upset at him when he left me alone a lot. He wanted to do things with his buddies like fishing and hunting. Which I’m not into. I don’t care if he does, but I want to be a priority and not an option.

I made the mistake of giving him an ultimatum about not going on a weekend trip he had planned. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I was tired of feeling like back up plans.

 He told his friend that he misses me but is tired and doesn’t know if he can do it anymore. He says he loves me, but doesn’t know if he’s in love with me or can handle a future of fighting and me constantly being disappointed with him. He just seemed put off by everything.

 I really want to talk with you and am going to sign up for a Skype soon because I can see how much insight you would provide.

Right now I just really need to know, do you think he misses me?

10 Things A Man Will Do When He Loves You

Knowing if a man is in love with you can be truly confusing. Of course there are tons of signs that he could be. However, I came up with a list of 10 that I think are excellent.

10 Things A Man Will Do If He Loves You

1.      Considers your wants and needs

Does he consider what makes YOU feel loved.

Does he know your love language and understand her attachment style and how you operate in a relationship.

2.      Lets you influence him and his decisions. He wants your input. He values your thoughts and ideas.

3.      Treats you like a priority.

4.      Includes you in his world (work, friends)

5.      Accepts you and your imperfections. Doesn’t try and upgrade to someone that is younger or prettier. To him, you are beautiful just the way you are.

6.      He lets you know he’s there for you. He reassures you that he will help. He’s there for you even when it’s inconvenient.

7.      He protects you. He makes you feel safe. Women love to feel safe and secure with their man.

8.      He is emotionally attuned and responsive. Safe emotional connection.

Reach and respond

9.      He gives you space when you need it. Helps you feel free.

10.   He is playful and fun with you. The only way that will happen is if the relationship is safe.