Should I Break No Contact For Valentines Day?
One of the biggest questions I get about Valentines Day and break ups is "Should I Break No Contact on Valentines Day"?
All Major holidays or birthdays are really scary days when you are going through a break up. Of course Valentines Day might be the worst (if not the worst) . Because it's centered around love and celebrating love with your partner. Now, you're dealing with a break up and hurting over someone you love and are really attached to.
You may feel an incredible amount of pressure on how to handle things. You worry about not buying them a gift. Or reaching out. Wishing them a Happy Valentines Day.
Holidays like Valentines Day are scary as hell because you put a tremendous amount of pressure on that day and knowing how to handle it.
There are a lot of break ups around Valentines Day so I know there will be a lot of new people who discover my work because of it.
So let me start by saying, I do not believe you should reach out to an Ex on Valentines Day.
Now, I'm sure you doubt that and you are scared, but let me explain why.
If you reach out, your ex knows you still want to work things out. Chances are, they already knew that (you probably already did the begging, pleading, grand gestures, etc.) I get it. I've been there myself.
You want your ex to miss you. You want them to wonder if YOU'VE moved on. You want THEM to be scared that they are going to lose you. Why? Because I teach that anxiety is the root of desire.
If your ex starts to feel anxious over you, they'll start to miss you more and think about you more. Anxiety has a massive impact on our desire to be with someone. When your ex sees that you are no longer chasing them it makes them start to appreciate you a lot more.
Emailer: Great timing, Coach. This is a particularly hard month for me coz it's the anniversary of when my ex must have met his new gf and decided to split with me. It's driving me crazy wondering if this date or other was the day they met. Then the anniversary of our split is coming up before the end of the month. All things considered, I am doing quite well but feeling very delicate.
Your thoughtfulness is much appreciated. Family/friends just don't get the suffering goes deeper than just being single on Valentine's. Glad to have you on our side.
Blessings to you and Margaret.
Second email: Hi Craig, I really wanted to say how much you’ve helped me in this last month without even knowing it. I was so devastated after the breakup but then I’ve found your channel.I’ve bought two different guides on how to get my ex back but they both were confusing and made the situation go worse. Thanks to you I have some hope back. You’ve given me the patience of waiting for him to be ready and above all the motivation to change my life for good. I just can’t wait to email you my success story and to book a Skype coaching; while I wait I just wanted to ask you if you could do an Instagram account for live videos and suggestions.
Thank you so much for everything.
Craig: We put meaning on that day. We think that If we don’t talk on Valentines Day, it means something. We have a belief that the relationship is truly over. Or they’re really gone for good. That simply is not the case. There are many people will not hear from their ex on Valentines Day and they will still come back!
You can’t help obsess over what THEY are doing for Valentines Day. You start checking their Snapchat and Instagram and they put up vague pictures of gifts they got. Sometimes your ex may try to make you jealous and put flowers and gifts that they bought for themselves! They like the attention and not to appear lonely.
You can’t help but think that they should be with you. I remember thinking: How can they not want to be with me? When the only thing you want is to be with them. It's absolutely one of the most painful feelings.
But we are wired to attach. We are built to attach to love ones. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being sad, depressed or feeling guilty over a break up. In fact, there's something wrong with you if you don't care about them or miss them.
It’s torture and I know suggesting you not to reach out (AKA no contact) also feels like torture.
You may not know anything about No Contact (or as I prefer to call it No Reaching Out)
I have an entire playlist about no contact on my Youtube Channel.
I believe that if someone breaks you with you, you do not contact them for any reason. You simply walk away and move on. Begging, pleading, and manipulating does not work.
Walking away does a lot of things, including makes that person wonder if ending the relationship is the right decision. They'll start to think about a lot of things and wonder if they have made a mistake.
You now want to take the time to work on yourself. Think about the mistakes you made in the relationship and learning to be a better partner (I have over 400 videos on Youtube and they all in some way teach you these things). You will learn more about relationships than you could have ever dreamed. And all it takes is spending some time bettering yourself. When your ex does reach out, they will be shocked by all the changes you made and give you the second chance you're desperately hoping for.
So no, I do not think you should break no contact for Valentines Day.