How Crucial Are The First 30 Days of No Contact

Craig (00:00):

Today we're going to be talking about how crucial are the first 30 days of no contact. Okay. A good subject. You know, this is a good subject and I'm glad this came up. I got a quick email because a lot of people have heard of the 30 day, no contact. That's been going on for many years. I don't know how many years. I don't know where it started. But the 30 days of no contact has kind of been something that people have kind of heard culturally. And I think it's talked about movies and stuff like that. And so when people are going through a breakup, that's one of the first things they think about and hear about and they panic about. And I understand because when you're in no contact, every second feels crucial and it feels like an eternity.

Craig (01:36):

So I got a quick email that I wanted to get to. And then we're going to talk about this. Okay. They said, Hey coach Craig and Margaret, I just started watching your channel a little bit more than a month ago. Unfortunately, you are not the first channel I came across, but I'm so happy that I did. I travel a lot for work. So I listened to your podcast in my car every day. Cool. And when I'm at home, I watch you on YouTube. I never say this. I always forget. You can find many of our episodes on iTunes and all the different podcast platforms that are out there. So you can listen in the car. I always forget to say that. Actually I don't even talk about it that often. And we recently had over a million listens on that. Yeah. And, and I rarely even mentioned it. So I was blown away by that. So thank you. Thank you. I'm on volume six of the workbook and I absolutely love them. They helped me so much to learn so much about myself actually. Don't think I've ever been so healthy and it's all thanks to you. So thank you both so much. I know you guys don't talk about the 30 day rule, like those charlatans. I'm just wondering, I haven't heard from my ex in over 30 days now, do you think that hurts my chances? Do you think that hearing from your ex in the first 30 days is crucial for my chances? Okay. So they came across stuff all the talking about 30 days. And so they're wondering about that. Okay. So do you think it hurts your chances if you haven't heard from them in 30 days? I say not at all.

Margaret (03:39):

That's what I say too. Yeah. Not at all. Not at all. It feels like 30 years, right.

Craig (03:45):

It really does. It really does the hardest part. And it's unfortunate because many of you are going to go to your friends and family and they're going to tell you, it's done. It's over, that's it. They moved on when it gets to like 30 days. And that's simply not the case. And in fact, time after time, and at least from what I see, people often need months before they want to repair things again. Yep. Okay. and I think there's a lot that goes on in that time. And even though it feels devastating to you when you've been dumped for the other person, I think it takes much longer than 30 days before they start to really feel the impact of losing you. Right. Okay. Right now that doesn't mean it doesn't happen sometimes. Of course it does. But not hearing your ex within 30 days, don't panic. No, I don't think that hurts your chances at all.

Margaret (04:51):

And then of course there are all those fears that they're going to find somebody else any minute now, any day now and live happily ever after. And that's not likely either.

Craig (04:59):

Well, you know, one of the things that's scary is that a lot of times your ex does start dating right away and we feel like it's going to last forever. Absolutely. I know I've been there and you really think that that new person is going to see all the great qualities that your ex does, but they may see that in the beginning, but I really don't think it leads to get them getting attached. Do you?

Margaret (05:23):

No, I don't. I don't, if it's a rebound. Yeah. They might have fun for a little while and it might be a distraction to your ex for a little while, but it very rarely works out. Yeah. I think that's what we've seen and, there are no perfect descriptions of stages, but we've, we've thought about this in terms of what the, I gathered the girlfriend broke up with him.

Craig (05:46):

Actually. I think this was a woman that wrote this.

Margaret (05:48):

Yeah. So you know, she's going to have all of those fears and we've found it can take months because first there's a sense of relief that you've done this thing that was very hard and you finally got it over with, and then you might feel better for awhile and six, eight months later, "I really miss so-and-so and wonder if I made the right decision."

Craig (06:16):

It's we know it's hard and, and it's such a difficult balance of going between do I move on or do I wait for this person that come back for me and you have to make that judgment for yourself? I like to focus on the personal growth stuff and make that my priority. And that way either way you're gonna win. If they, if they come back, you'll be in a much better position to turn it around. And if they don't, you're going to be much healthier and you're going to have a lot more skills to have in a new relationship. So, no, I would absolutely not worry about hearing from an ex in 30 days,

Margaret (07:00):

But we certainly understand where you got that.

Craig (07:03):

I totally understand. But if you sat next to me on my couch and heard all the, the calls that I do and how things progress day in and day out, I would say it's okay. 30 days is not that big a deal at all. Okay. And I the second question was, do you think it's crucial to hear from your ex and 30 days? Absolutely not. I don't think that hurts your chances at all. In fact, the way I like to see it is that the more time that you have from them, the more you really have the space and the ability to reflect upon what wasn't working and to grow and to change because growth doesn't happen in 30 days. No, unfortunately not.

Margaret (07:52):

No, it doesn't that wouldn't, I mean, not, not much can change in 30 days.

Craig (07:56):

I think the big thing that changes Margaret is the awareness of I made mistakes and it's such an overwhelming fear of I made mistakes and that's why they've left me. That's right. That's why they feel like I've changed.

Margaret (08:12):

Well, not in 30 days. No.

Craig (08:15):

It takes time to work through your attachment issues. It takes time to heal those things that happened in childhood that you're only starting to become aware of, which is why we talk about attachment issues and trauma and mental health,

Margaret (08:32):

All those things.

Craig (08:34):

Yeah. So, you know, I'm glad somebody sent this because I had never really thought about that 30 day and feeling that pressure of it's 30 days or, or it's 30 days, should I reach out now?

Margaret (08:49):

Right. And are there some coaches who say you should

Craig (08:54):

I don't recommend no, in my experience, it's much better to allow that person to come back. And you know, of course every situation is so different. I've had people that I thought and said to them, wait, why are you in no contact? This person is trying to repair this and what's going on here? And then I hear situations where it's like, okay, you definitely need to stay in no contact. Especially if somebody is like saying, is there a legal actions or that, you know, that they're being threatened with legal actions? Like, don't call me, I'm going to call them

Margaret (09:28):

Please. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Back off.

Craig (09:32):

But I do think that 30 days came from somewhere many, many years ago and it just kind of became an you know, entrenched in the culture. And so that's why we're trying to enlighten you guys and help you guys see that no, 30 days is not a big deal. And if somebody broke up with me today, I would not expect to hear from them within that 30 days. Sometimes they do go, sometimes they will do indirect direct approaches of the breadcrumb. You, or

Margaret (10:07):

Yeah. I have the key to your apartment or,

Craig (10:10):

Or sometimes they have to handle business. Yeah. But if you're in a situation where you're afraid that, Oh my gosh, it's been 30 days I haven't heard from them or 30 days is about to be up. Should I reach out to them now? No, we don't believe in that.

Margaret (10:28):

And it's always hard to explain. I think we both do it all of the time. How does it better your chances to not be in contact then making contract? Okay. You're telling me not to do the thing I want to do the most and that's going to scare me the most cause I can't do it, but we have found definitely no contact is much more likely to get your ex back than contact. Absolutely. Or we wouldn't tell you that. Yeah. But it is counter-intuitive Craig's favorite word, right? It's counter doesn't make logical sense. Yeah.

Craig (11:00):

Yeah. And you're going to have a lot of family and friends that are going to say things to you. They don't understand how breakups navigate because they're so complicated. Right? I mean, a lot of times family and friends are telling you they're done. They're over you. Move on. Just forget about that.

Margaret (11:19):

It was no good for you anyway. And you know, but if you're, if you loved her, it's not that easy. No, I told you my latest, my latest war is against the phrase of you must let go. No, you must work through, so you can't just let go of feelings that are major for you. You have to process them and entertain them and, and deal with them, you know? So you can't just let go and date somebody else next week.

Craig (11:46):

It's not the healthiest thing to do. No.

Margaret (11:48):

And I mean, people mean to be helpful. They don't want to see you glum. They want to see you cheer up. Yeah.

Craig (11:54):

And oftentimes they're angry at your ex for hurting you. Yes, of course. And you know, they most likely had a relationship with your ex. And so they're upset because they're like, I can't believe they would do this. I can't believe they would leave you. And so they're hurt and angry at your ex too. Family may be particularly hurt by it. And you know, you, you gotta think about, who's telling you these things, how healthy are their relationships, right? Are you getting advice from somebody that can't maintain a relationship telling you, just forget about it, move on, move on.

Margaret (12:33):

Well, who's been in a relationship for 30 years and doesn't talk to their partner. That's another possibility, another possibility.

Craig (12:40):

So it's okay. If you don't hear from an ex in 30 days, I would be surprised if they do. I would be thinking more likely they're going to need more time. And I think that's a good thing because it really does take time to get your life turned around and really work through issues that you've been doing or things that were going on in the relationship that you're trying to improve. So keep focusing on yourself, keep focusing on that personal growth. It's going to help you either way. You can't lose by focusing on that. Because like I said, time and time again, either you're going to have another chance with that person and you're going to show them you've changed or you're going to do amazing in new relationships.

Margaret (13:41):

Right. And how what's better than that? Right. And what we say right off the bat is working on your attachment stuff. Absolutely.

I Think About Breaking No Contact Every Day

Today we're going to be talking about: I think about breaking no contact every day. Oh dear. How difficult? Yeah. You know, it is difficult, you know, a lot of times when you're going through a breakup, you go online, you have no idea what no contact is. You come across all kinds of coaches with all kinds of ideas on what to do, how to get an ex back. Some give absolutely horrific advice, that are borderline stalkish behaviors. They almost have you stalking your ex, right? Others, have you ignoring your ex, but when we talk about no contact, we don't want you to ignore an ex. We don't want you to ignore them for a certain amount of days. We simply want you to stop reaching out, to allow them the time to process things, to deal with it and to miss you.

Craig (01:48):

Because quite honestly, if they were frustrated or upset with you or unhappy with the way things were going, you know, they get into an emotional state, but having time away from you oftentimes gives them enough of a space to think, "you know what, those things do bother me. But overall, I really do love this person. " Yes. So I got a quick email today and we're going to talk about this. They said, "hi, coach Craig and coach Margaret. I hear quite a few of the coaches talking about no contact. Some say to do it, some say not to do it. It's confusing. I wish I had found your channel first because I trust you to the most. No contact is so hard because I think about my ex every day, the first thing I do every morning is check to see if he texted, I feel addicted to the phone because I'm constantly looking to see if he's texted or posted on Instagram. I'm unsure about no-contact. I wonder if it's a mistake. I wonder if my ex will think I don't care. I wonder if they will move on", Okay. So in a situation like this, we don't know the details of your situation.

Margaret (03:29):

Do we know how long?

Craig (03:30):

No, this is the whole email there. So we don't really know how long it was. All we know is that they ended the relationship. And for many of you guys that if your ex has ended the relationship, we really do think that you have to leave him alone. Right? Okay. And what you do in that time is important. The changes that you make in that time are important because if they were unhappy with the way things were, then there are things that you want to go back and look at and fix, right?

Craig (04:08):

And being in no-contact gives you an opportunity to work on that. Take a look at the relationship, what areas you struggled, they struggled what you can do to make it better and how to handle things when they come back for you. You know, we talk a lot about attachment and the different types of attachment styles. You know, everybody struggles with their own attachment issues. You know, you might be secure, but most people have insecure attachment styles where you tend to be more anxious about the relationship and getting abandoned, or you feel smothered and trapped by the relationship. But it doesn't matter if you're anxious or avoidant. People still miss you after a breakup. And I get a lot of people wondering my ex was avoidant. They're not going to miss me. Will you talk about dismissive avoidance not missing you, Margaret?

Margaret (05:12):

That's the, well, that's the dilemma of the avoidant. They too are wired to want connection. That's why they were in the relationship. Chances are they ended it because they felt smothered. But that doesn't mean they're not going to miss you and being avoidant doesn't mean you don't get attached, even though it scares you, you do get attached. So even an avoidant is going to miss you. So don't despair if your partner was avoidant, but I know as the days and weeks go by, people get more and more anxious that they've moved on or they've forgotten about them. That's a big one right there, but you have to understand that it's a process. And we live in a world of instant. Okay. And emotional processes. Take some time. I had somebody say to me today, well, it's been 30 days. 30 days is not a long enough time to really process anything. You can make a good beginning, but sometimes we're talking months here.

Craig (06:13):

Yeah. It's so normal to think about reaching out and coming up with all kinds of reasons to reach out. And it's overwhelming because the intrusive thoughts just don't stop. Right. And it's exhausting. You, you literally are looking for any kind of connection to reach out to them. So I would say most of you will struggle with, you know, no contact or reaching out for a long period of time until you eventually get to a place where you're like, "you know what? I'm not going to reach out. They can reach out to me when they want to talk to me". And you're focusing on yourself, you're doing those workbooks. If you have them 20 to 30 minutes every day, that's why I did workbooks. So you can focus on improving those skills, working through attachment issues, getting a local therapist.

Margaret (07:12):

Right? Exactly. That's one of the things we recommend and I'll always ask people, what did your partner tell you when they broke up with you? What did they tell you that the problems were? Some people are honest and other people will say I'm not attracted to you anymore and I need space, which really doesn't tell you anything. Yeah. That's so true because in any real relationship, you're more attracted at some times than others, etcetera. So those really don't tell you very much. It's nice to know what it is you need to work.

Craig (07:44):

Yeah. Yeah. But if you're sitting there struggling and every day you're thinking about reaching out and, you know, contacting them, you know, we wouldn't recommend it. In general. Of course, there might be something specific to your situation that, you know, it would be okay to reach out. But for the most part, we're saying, let them come to you.

Margaret (08:10):

And give them time to miss you. No matter how angry they might've been or no matter how cold they are. And we hear that often cause people have to have to get called to do the deed of breaking up. It doesn't mean they're forgetting you.

Craig (08:26):

Yeah. That's big. It doesn't mean you're there forgetting you at all because people don't forget people they're attached to. No, they don't. They don't, they really don't. Even if it's years, they'll still remember you. That doesn't mean they're going to come back necessarily or the one, another chance to work it out. But they're not going to forget, you know? Right. Even the dismissive avoidance, Margaret,

Margaret (08:47):

Even the dismissive avoidance, we're all wired the same way. Remember the avoidant has been horribly disappointed in an early relationship and you may have helped them reconcile. Some of that. You've got to give it time. Yeah. You have to. Which is the worst news on earth for you. We understand that.

Craig (09:11):

I know it's. Yeah. I've been there where it's like, literally every second of the day feels like an eternity. You just feel like you're in a fog and all you want to do is contact them. But if you do, it is a risk.

Margaret (09:25):

The other thing is even if your partner wasn't able to give you real reasons for the breakup and maybe the ones that they thought would be easier for you to hear, think about what you fought about. And that will probably give you a good idea as to what they were upset about.

Craig (09:41):

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. And I would say one of the big things is that you might be in a situation where your ex was saying they needed something from you or they wanted you to change something about yourself and you didn't do it. And now you're like, I'm willing to do it. I'm going to do whatever you need me to do. I'll be happy to do those things now. Well, they probably got to a point where they don't think you're going to change and telling them that is not going to make them want you more. You have to show them. You have to truly do the work that when you're in front of them again, you don't go back to those old mistakes. And that's why I say put yourself on probation for nine months to a year. Right? Because you'd be surprised how many people will get their ex back and then go back to their old ways, three or four months later, whatever. And then wind up in another breakup.

Margaret (10:35):

One of the things that often works is to be able to go back to somebody and say, I've gotten into therapy. That's like gold. If somebody's been begging you to change something and you haven't done it.

Craig (10:47):

Now, the thing is you don't want to look like you're trying to say it for approval. You want it to come out naturally, not "here is this new thing that I'm trying to display. Now you happy? " No, you don't want to do that. No. You mean it. You want to secretly do it, get into it. And then when they've reached out, it naturally comes up and then they're like, Oh wow. They really are making changes. Get into AA. If you've had an alcoholic issue.

Margaret (11:19):

Or whatever "A" you need.

Craig (11:22):

But telling them and trying to act like you're trying to present some grand thing to them, don't do it like that. It's better to do it for yourself. And they'll think you're being more honest about it if you are doing it for yourself. Right.

Margaret (11:39):

Yeah. It's a great way to gain credibility. And the other thing is it also gives you a sense of process and that feelings take time. Right? Once you get into therapy, that becomes very obvious to you.

Craig (11:54):

I understand that it's confusing. And you think about reaching out every day, right? I've been there. Yeah. I've been there and I understand it. So I know exactly how hard that is, but, and confusing. But your ex, isn't going to forget about you. And if you allow them time to feel the loss, that attachment is going to affect them as well.

Margaret (12:24):

Whereas if you give them a fix, it will stop the process.

Craig (12:28):

Yeah. So hopefully this will be helpful to you.

What To Do When A No Contact Period Ends And Your Ex Still Doesn't Want To Talk

What to do after a no contact period ends and your ex still doesn't want to talk to you.

Coach Margaret:              00:39                   So what do you mean? No? Like if you've had gotten no context for like 30 days and then you decide you want to contact your partner and they don't respond.

Craig Kenneth:                  00:49 Exactly. That's to be sure I had it right. That's right. That's where we're going to be talking about and a lot of the people that have been watching our channel for a while know that my approach on a breakup is that if somebody breaks up with you, you simply walk away and you say, okay, it's not what I want. I do love you. I care about you, but if you don't want to work it out, I understand. And then you move forward with your life and you leave them alone,

Coach Margaret:              01:20                   giving them the overall message that I shared, but I will be just fine. That's right. And able to function. That's right. Now. Sounds good to me.

Craig Kenneth:                  01:30                   A lot of people out there give conflicting advice and sometimes it's really confusing. So we're going to talk about that and if you know what I talk about when they'll contact you may sit there and watch this video and think, oh I know this already, but I know there's a lot of newcomers and new people find our channel every single day and they get really worried about the no contact period because some people will tell you that you should not contact your ex for 30 days. Right? Okay. I don't know where this magical 30 day number came from. No, but um, it would have been a lot more helpful if they said 30 years. Don't contact them for 30 years. And if they don't contact you back then do you have it up? So a lot of people say 30 days. You should ignore your ex or contact them. Reach out after the end of 30 days. Some people are so all over the place. You can't even figure out what the heck they're talking about.

Coach Margaret:              02:25                   People get scared that they're going to forget them if you suggest that they go through a period of no contact. Absolutely. Yeah,

Craig Kenneth:                  02:33                   and we talked about this in a major video recently. Yes. Your ex does not forget you. You simply do not forget somebody that you loved and you were attached.

Coach Margaret:              02:45                   Yes. And that you were intimate with and spent time with.

Craig Kenneth:                  02:48                   It just doesn't work that way. Okay. I made in the other video, I, when I talked about this, I couldn't remember, have a voice of an x from 15, 20 years ago. No. Yeah. I could imagine their personality, what they would say to me and how they would say it and it would take very little effort and even if I haven't talked to them in years, your ex is going to be the same way. They don't forget you. It just doesn't work like that.

Coach Margaret:              03:17 Become a pleasant memory

Craig Kenneth:                  03:19                   if, if things don't work out. Right. So. Okay, so we're going to talk about this. No contact period. I do not believe in a 30 day, no contact. I don't think you do. We? No, I don't because our thoughts are it's not gonna magically change in 30 days. What you need to do is wait for that person to come back around again because they will, even if they're stubborn, isn't that right?

Coach Margaret:              03:48                   Even as we said in the essay on stubbornness, yes. If they have asked you for the ultimate space, in other words said, I want to break up with you, at least for now, and then you need to respect what they asked you for. Absolutely. So the the rule is if someone asked for space, short space or a long space, you granted,

Craig Kenneth:                  04:10                   so let's get to this quick email. This was somebody that said, hey coach Craig, I am brand new to your channel and I'm still a little confused. A lot of breakup experts out there give conflicting and ambiguous advice. You reach out and they don't give you a response. What do you do in that situation? Okay, well let's say for some reason you add followed somebody else and you broke no contact and now you're confused. You're like, oh my gosh, I broke it. I reached out. They didn't.

Coach Margaret:              04:44                   What do I do now?

Craig Kenneth:                  04:46                   That's very common and it's not the end of the world. Just because somebody does not reply to you when you reached out, doesn't mean they're not thinking about you. Doesn't mean they're not thinking about the relationship or ever considering getting back with you.

Coach Margaret:              05:04                   Yeah, and it doesn't mean they'll never respond because they didn't in a week or two weeks or even a month.

Craig Kenneth:                  05:09                   That's right. Sometimes people are going through the process of the breakup and they are all over the place themselves. Maybe they thought you were never going to change. Maybe they thought they wanted to date. Somebody knew they were attracted to somebody new and they're giving that relationship a shot. Um, it could be

Coach Margaret:              05:30                   kinds of reasons and it can take people different periods to mourn and grieve and get over a relationship depending on how many losses they've had.

Craig Kenneth:                  05:39                   And sometimes they feel one way and then a few months later they start to think, you know, we had our problems, but at the end of the day, I know she really loved me,

Coach Margaret:              05:50                   didn't make great chocolate chip cookies

Craig Kenneth:                  05:52                   or he really was there for me and maybe I did walk away from this too soon. And a lot of times Margaret, right? They think that they are done with you, that you can have an exit, feels like, yeah, I really am done, I can't do this anymore. And then they start to miss you or they get some rest or any number of other things. So just because an ex doesn't reply to you doesn't mean it's over for good. And you know, you obviously do not want to badger anybody. You don't want to continue to reach out to them when they know you've messaged them. Yes. Okay. They know you've contacted them or emailed them or whatever. Let them be yes. And if they've chosen not to reply right now, you have to give them the space. We all are wired differently and we all have formed different attachments to our caregivers.

Craig Kenneth:                  06:54                   And we use those attachments in our romantic relationships and so your partner may have a completely different attachment style than you do and so they see things the opposite of how you see those or very different than how you see them and you forcing them to try and see the way you want it to is not going to make them change their mind. You know, we can't make anybody change their mind, excuse me, we can't do it. So I don't recommend breaking. No contact in a situation where your ex has broken up with you and they said they want to move on. I think you should just leave them alone and respect that. And you know, some of you guys are in contact with an x and there is some conversation going on. That's a completely different story. Okay. If you're in contact with them, then you're not going to just completely ignore this person.

Craig Kenneth:                  07:59                   You're going to handle it a completely different way. Right? So you definitely don't want to ignore anybody if they reach out to you. And I had. I had a guy today that I was really frustrated for and he was frustrated too because we had gotten him so close to getting his ex back and he made a complete mess and everything. I mean, they were. They at the last time we talked was a few months ago they had made out things were going good and then he got upset and frustrated because things weren't going as fast as he wanted them to, so we started pushing. He did manipulative behaviors. He tried to act like there was all kinds of women in the picture and and started putting pressure on it. It completely blew up in his face. Said No. So yeah, completely blew up in his face. Now she's like, I don't know if I want this.

Craig Kenneth:                  08:58                   I don't want to know. I don't know if I want to be with somebody that's got all these women in the background and that I can't feel safe with. I don't like the way I'm feeling anymore on and on and on because he just went against everything that I suggested. Kind of lost it. He did his anxiety, got the best of him, and and that's what we're telling you guys is if your anxiety is high and you're really stressed out, that your ex isn't gonna reply to you. Don't keep badgering them, chill out. If you can't you. That's why we say talk to us about it. Let us talk to you about your situation. You're going to feel so much better. Right? And that's one of the things that you always encouraged me to do.

Coach Margaret:              09:39                   Yes. Always talk, talk, talk. If you hold things in, it only eats you up inside. Get it out. And if you can get it out to somebody who even remotely understands what you're saying, like your cat, it will still help.

Craig Kenneth:                  09:53                   Yeah. Because if you don't, you're just going to make a slew of mistakes and have things blow up in your face like this poor guy. I know. I was so frustrated for him because we were so close and last year I taught he was on the verge of the success story and he, he was a no contact this girl for, I don't know, several months I believe, and it just looks so good. So they did the hard part and then launched it at the end. He just did all kinds of behaviors that I would have never recommended. He knew it. He owned it. He said this was because I said I feel bad that this is going on. And then we were so close and he's like, it wasn't way it was me. And he knew. He knew for him. He owned it. I respect that. Yeah, exactly. I did too, but I feel bad for him because I want you guys to get your ex back if that's what you want. We want you to know we're trying to help you. We are genuinely trying to do that and you know, we're frustrated too when you can't get what you want. We really

Coach Margaret:              10:51                   things you just can't hurry no matter how anxious you get. Yeah,

Craig Kenneth:                  10:57 absolutely. So if you did some kind of no contact period and you reached out, maybe you followed somebody that said 30 days, ignore them and now you've reached out and now they're not talking to you or they're angry at you about about how you handled it, whatever the case may be, you just need to let it sit and wait for them to reach out to you

Coach Margaret:              11:20                   and that can be so hard.

Craig Kenneth:                  11:22 Absolutely. But just because somebody doesn't want to talk to you today, it doesn't mean they won't want to talk to you next week or next month, but if you continue to push, it's going to continue to make them feel frustrated, annoyed, irritated by your behavior, and so you got to really have that emotional self control not to keep badgering somebody.

Coach Margaret:              11:47                   And we live in a world of instant this instant, that glasses in about an hour and a same day. Service and sometimes waiting is necessary and constructive.

Craig Kenneth:                  11:58 Absolutely. Your ex isn't gonna. Forget about. You know, they're truly not. If you've been with somebody for three years or five years, they don't forget you. They remember you when your favorite show comes on or when they drive by a car that looks like yours or when a movie that they know you would like to, how they think about youtube

Coach Margaret:              12:18                   if they cook your favorite dinner.

Craig Kenneth:                  12:20                   Yeah, absolutely true. They go to a restaurant that you used to eat at. They think about all those things. So your ex isn't gonna be as likely to forget you as you really believe. So don't panic, at least not like. No. Absolutely not. So okay. I think I really helped everybody understand this because I don't want people to be confused like, okay, if your ex doesn't respond to you after some kind of no contact period, simply wait for them to do that. That's exactly right. That's what we mean. And that's what we share is as scary as it may be. You want to be patient there, unless, like I said, you guys are in some kind of communication, in which case that's a much more delicate situation in simply being patient and cause for assistance if you need it.