Am I Wasting My Time?

Am I Wasting My Time?

I got an email from a woman named Allison who is unsure about if her boyfriend is relationship material.

So, lets take a look at what’s going on in this situation and I will assess. Do I think she should she keep em or drop em?

Her email says: Hi Craig, so I came across your channel because I’m confused about my current relationship. I am a 28 year old woman with a 4 year old daughter. Her father is not really involved in his daughter’s life. My current boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We dated for about 4, months he disappeared out of my life. He just stopped calling me or texting me. Then he came back about 5 months later and wanted to work things out. He told me he was really sorry, that he needed to get things figured out. He told me how his drug problem (I had no idea he was doing drugs) got really bad. I really cared about him so I give it another shot.

Okay, So I’m already seeing major red flags. This guy is addicted to drugs and disappeared from her life completely after they had been dating for 4 months. Forget about the drugs for a minute. He disappeared from your life once, what makes you think he’s not going to do it again. Next time you could have kids with him.

You obviously didn’t mean that much to him the first time. Him just ghosting you tells me quite a bit about his personality. He wasn’t very attached to you for him to just disappear.  It also tells me a little about you. It tells me you’ve been hurt before.

My guess is that you’ve got some abandonment issues going on from your past. So you are attracted to this situation because you want to repair your early childhood wounds.

That’s a huge unconscious part of attraction. We are very unconsciously drawn to people who will hurt us in the same way as our parents. Now you said you had no idea he had a drug problem. But, I think you did. I think one of your parents had a drug problem and that is why you were unconsciously drawn to this guy to begin with.

That was traumatic for you. Now, my guess is that because he traumatized you, it had an impact on you. Unless you did a bit of work talking about it, it tells me you are probably giving him another chance because you are trying to unconsciously figure out what happened the first time around.

Allison: My daughter is visiting her grandparents out of state for the summer. So he is now staying with me because he got into big fight with his roommate. He is still using drugs but I love him. I feel like God put me in his life to help him.

Okay, wow. So, she has this belief in her mind that God wants her to help fix this guy. Until we deal with that she is going to continue to allow any and all of his behavior. 

So, Allison. If you believe God wants you to help fix this guy let me be very clear. Do it only as a friend. You cannot fix anyone. They have to want help. He continues to use drugs. Therefore, thing he will put first every single time, is his addiction. End of story.

You can be supportive as a friend. But he is completely useless to you or anyone else as an active addict. He will not have the tools, desire, or ability to maintain a healthy emotional adult relationship.

God does not put people like this in your life to be your life partner. He puts healthy adults who are ready to love you, be emotionally available to you, and support you. This guy needs a lot of help and he’s not even helping himself.

Allison: Should I try to make it work with him, I really care about him? What would you do?

First and foremost should be your daughter. You are putting her at risk being in a relationship with an addict. Their behavior is dangerous and unpredictable. You are also putting yourself at risk. Emotionally as you ARE going to get hurt by this guy (sooner than later). Perhaps, depending on his drug habit, you are putting your own health at risk! He could be sharing needles, or sexually acting out with other people. HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis, HPV. There is no telling what he is doing when he is high.

Now, you are a big girl so I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. BUT since you want to know what I would do? This is an easy case of Dump him.

GOD does not want him as your romantic partner. You can be his friend, help get him support and help. Get him into therapy to deal with his issues.

Break Ups and Birthdays

Break Ups and Birthdays

Okay so one of the big questions people ask me about is how to handle break ups around birthday’s

I got an email here from Roosevelt that says, Hi Craig, hope you’re doing great. I have a question for you regarding birthdays. My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I’ve done pretty good not contacting her. I contacted her a few times the first week, but have not since then. I had already bought her a gift and I was wondering if I could send it to her. Either that or maybe I could invite her out to dinner and then give it to her.

So she breaks up with you, and you want to give her a birthday gift? No, you want an excuse to contact her. Don’t try to lie either guys. You miss her and you are hoping buying her a gift can get you to make her reconsider. Believe me, I know how desperate you can feel in that situation. Your brain tries to come up with a different way to get that person’s attention.

Your absence from her life will get her attention. Believe me, sometimes your absence is even more than your presence.

A woman will not have any respect for you if she dumps you and you’re still trying to buy her attention. They actually laugh about it. Imagine for a minute that someone who is supposed to be a dominant leader, like a high ranking manager getting disrespected by one of their subordinates. You would lose respect for them right?

Well if you are supposed to be a strong, masculine leader, and she I’m breaking up with you, and then you’re trying to buy her gifts to stay. You’re basically begging her. It’s weak. It’s unattractive.

If you are such a great guy you why would you need to bribe anyone to be with you.

If anything you should be like, you don’t want to be with me? Okay, take care. Watch how fast they rethink their decision.

Stand up for yourself. You don’t get what you deserve in life, you get what you negotiate. So that means you need to set your terms for what you want. You’re trying to bribe someone back.

So don’t buy a woman any kind of birthday gift if she leaves you. They will lose even more respect for you. The only gift they get is the gift of missing you!

So to review: Don’t contact her. NO texts, no calling, no social media contact. NOTHING. If someone breaks up with you, you walk away and never look back. If for some reason she contacts you about it, say oh Happy Birthday. If they for some reason they complain, you say. I don’t want to be just friends. If you’d like to be more than let me know. But I’m not just going to be friends with you.

You've Changed

You’ve Changed

Ah, one of the big complaints to every relationship. You’ve said it, they’ve said it. So it must be true right?

The person you’ve been with appears to be completely different. Their behavior and attitude has completely changed. It’s the only explanation.

Only it isn’t the explanation. That isn’t what happened at all. See our relationship goes through stages.

In this article and video, I’m going to discuss how and why everyone changes after they’ve been with their partner.

I got an email here from Travis asks what is going on: Hey Craig, big fan of your Youtube channel, I have a question for you. I’ve had a few long term relationships but none make it past two years. Why is it that after a few years, the person that you’re with completely changes? I feel like I’m being lied to.

You are being lied to… by your body.

When we first start to feel romantic love, our brain releases all kinds of wonderful chemicals. And it feels amazing. This is the during the Lust stage and the Attraction stage. Now, once we get into the attachment stage Oxytocin and Vasopresson is released.

Well all those chemicals (dopamine and serotonin causes us to idealize our partner) make us completely overlook all of our partners faults. We overlook all those red flags (such as alcoholism, depression, anxiety, work ethic, poor communication, commitment level)

Because if we saw all their faults, we would probably never have given them a chance to begin with.

So while we probably do try to put on a better impression when we first meet someone, a big part of the reason it looks like they’ve changed, is that the chemicals in our brain have gone back to normal.This is why the honeymoon stage lasts about 2 years, because that’s when our chemicals go back to normal.

NOW, as soon as this happens, we start to see our partner for who they really are. They have appeared to change.

We can’t believe it. It’s almost like the person we thought we knew died. When this happens we go through the stages of grief. (Which I’m not going to get into in this article/video).

Now you are going to have to go through those stages of grief and loss. But we don’t want to lose that feeling or that person we love.

So the relationship then goes into a power struggle. We try to use tactics to get them to be like the way we remember them.

Here are some of the tactics that we do both unconsciously and consciously. Withdrawal, rejecting, avoidance, criticism, blame, judgment, sarcasm, excluding, withholding, manipulation.

I’m sure it’s very easy for you to picture your partner doing all those things (I’m sure you’re innocent of them of course).

Now, when we do all those power struggle moves it makes our partner feel disconnected (You should watch my video Disconnection hurts to see more about how it destroys relationships).

The way of dealing with the power struggle is through communication. Which you can see me talking about in. My videos Disconnection Hurts and 3 Ways We Ruin Relationships

I want you to be aware that our relationship goes through stages. The chemicals released cause us to overlook negative traits in our partner and when the chemicals go back down to normal levels. We start to see our partner for who they really are. If you don’t have the tools at this point to communicate, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship ends.

Have Discipline or Fail

Today’s video is going to talk about the importance of discipline. Discipline is extremely important.

One of the hardest parts of following advice is maintaining emotional self-control when you have anxiety. If you don’t have discipline you will make mistakes and ruin perfectly good opportunities to get your ex back, build attraction, meet new women, or improve your relationships.

I often times give very specific advice on how to handle situations. If you listen to my advice, but then when you are in the moment get anxious lose emotional self-control you are going to make mistakes. This goes especially for re attracting an ex. You must have the discipline to do exactly what I suggest. I have been in that situation, I have taken the very advice and strategies I give to have gotten back with an ex.

If you think my advice is too hard and you give me excuses like I couldn’t help myself. Then you are proving to your girl that you are weak, needy and clingy. That is not strong or masculine behavior and it will always turn her off. 

I have an email today from Linus that discusses this very issue. I have done numerous phone sessions with Linus. The thing about him is that he shows absolutely no emotional self control. He has tremendous amounts of anxiety and does not know how to soothe himself.  I repeatedly explain to him exactly what to do, but he always gets anxious and fearful in an effort to comfort himself, he does what he wants.

I know Linus very well. Like most people, when he is anxious he only thinks about what he wants. I repeatedly point out exactly what he is doing wrong but he doesn’t care. This is a sign of immaturity and weak behavior. He acts needy and clingy and turns women off.

Linus is smart, funny and very likeable. People love being around him and most women are attracted to him. But it is his behavior that is a complete turn off.

When it comes to women, he lives in a fantasy world. In his mind, romance is exactly the same format as some lazily written crappy 1980s romantic comedy. He has this fantasy that those goofy romantic losers are the kind of things that happen in real life. He thinks he has to do something to win a girls heart. That is not how women operate at all.

I keep trying to explain that those movies are no more real that Star Wars or Godzilla.

I have told him over and over again that women are more attracted to behavior. I have explained to him what exactly he needs to do to be attractive to women, but he doesn’t listen. His anxiety overtakes him and he forgets everything I tell him.

Hey coach Craig, I screwed up really badly. As you know my ex broke up with me about 6 months ago. I tried everything to get her back. I begged, I pleaded, I told her I would do anything. I called her drunk and then got angry at her. I lashed out at her, I said I thought you loved me. You don’t care about me, you only care about yourself. I messaged her friends and asked them what I should do. They all tell me to leave her alone but I miss her so much.

This guy creates more Drama than the Lifetime network.

He puts this girl on a pedestal. The reason he does this is because he does not like the way he looks. So because this girl is attractive, he uses her to validate his self-esteem. He thinks, oh she’s attractive and she’s with me, so I’m attractive now. This is illogical thinking. You need to feel good about who you are and like who you are. Not use someone else to validate who you are.

The sad thing is, is that this guy, is absolutely one of the best in his career. He is incredibly talented and has a gift. He already is something special and everyone recognizes that about him except for himself.

He goes on: I don’t know what I should do. I saw her post pictures with the guy she was hooking up before me and it really freaked me out. It pisses me off that she’s with him. I texted her recently and she texted back to me for the first time in months. I told her I how much I missed her. I know, you told me not to tell her how I feel because it will push her away. Now she stopped answering my texts.

This is exactly what I told him would happen. He comes on too strong, she feels trapped, and then she runs like hell.

So I messaged her on Facebook and asked her if she would ever talk with me again. She said she needs time and space and that she will contact me when she is ready.

If there’s one thing I know about Linus, it’s that despite getting the best information in the world, he is going to make excuses that he “can’t help it”. No Linus, you can help it. You can’t fly. You can exhibit emotional self control.

I waited a week and asked her out. So instead of waiting for her exactly like she asked him to do, he did not exhibit any discipline. Now she won’t talk to me again and her friends tell me she is done with me. I miss her so much.

I’m afraid that if I stop contacting her she will forget about me. I really miss her.

What he misses is the way he feels when he is with her.

Now, the thing about this girl is, aside from her looks, there is nothing special about her. In fact, in my opinion she is not girlfriend material. When they were together she wasn’t a good girlfriend. She is extremely selfish. She has a drinking problem and even though he is a recovering alcoholic, she drinks around him. I’m not talking about one or two drinks, I’m talking about get hammered drunk. So she is not a good influence. She is detrimental to his health and sobriety.

There are a ton of reasons that he needs to find a better girl. One time when he was out with her, and a couple they are friends with, she was drunk and grabbed another guys crotch in the backseat of the car. The girl of the other guy started screaming at her. Then she got mad at her friend for letting Linus know what she did!

She has slept with at least 5 of his coworkers. That she has admitted to.He knows who they are, he has to see them and it makes him go crazy. Now, I told him that was in her past so he has to be an adult and either deal with it and be okay with it or move on.

I know I am coming off as really hard on this guy, but I have been working with him for a long time. He knows everything I’m saying is true. I am hard on him because I want him to succeed.

He starts to make improvements and get results, but then as soon as he gets attached to a girl he loses all emotional self-control and does the exact opposite of what I say.

Guys, you have to be able to handle and regulate your anxiety. Re watch the video I did called the real reason relationships fail.

When I say you have to have discipline that means, when you are anxious and fearful about losing a girl, you must maintain emotional self-control and not contact her. The very thing you are afraid of happening, you will cause to happen! You will push her away even further.

When Her Interest Level Drops

Her Interest Level Has Dropped

Today’s video is about what to do when a woman’s interest level has dropped.

The reason I am doing a video about this is because most men behave in a way that will turn a woman off when she starts to back away.

When a woman’s interest level drops and it always will at some point you have to be ready!

Even a woman who has a high interest level in you will drop at some point. You need to be okay with whatever her interest level is at any given time. What that means is that when she backs away, you stay calm.

Humans get anxious and you feel separation anxiety. Our body instinctively perceives a loved one backing away as a threat. We start to call them more, text them more and pursue them more. In a bid to try and get their attention.

Now, if when she backs away, you can sooth yourself by remembering my words. A woman’s interest level will rise and fall like the sea. But when it drops you have to stay calm and remember that it could easily go back up just as quickly as long as you don’t turn her off while it is lowered.

If you can do that, you can show incredible strength that will always be attractive to women

Today’s email is from Don. Don says hey Craig. Please help. I’ve really screwed up big time. I went on a few dates with a girl over the past month or two. About a week ago, she was going to a concert with a girlfriend. I texted her at the concert and she didn’t reply. So I got upset and I couldn’t sleep. I said why aren’t you answering me? What are you doing? Who are you with? She didn’t reply.

Dude, why are u bothering her while she’s at the concert? Stop being so insecure Don.

I lost it. I started saying, what are you doing? Who are you whoring yourself out to? I knew you were a slut. No reply.

Don that is verbally abusive. Your feelings of anxiety and fear do not give you the right to become verbally abusive. You have no emotional self-control and that is unacceptable. You are supposed to make your woman feel special and loved.

DON: The next night she messaged me on Facebook and told me she had dropped her phone in the toilet. And she was drying it to try and get it back on. Craig I cried for 2 straight days praying that phone wouldn’t come back on.

I bet you did.

DON: I had a dinner party for my Mom who just got back in town that she knew about when I heard a knock at my door. My heart raced. Everyone was there so I knew it had to be her. I opened the door and she was standing their with a box of my things. Told me she never wanted to see me again and handed me the box. I just stood there crying with my entire family staring at me. Then she said oh yeah and you’ll probably want this back too. She pulled out a giant black dildo and dropped it into the box.

Wow, that is humiliating. That was just brutal. I don’t even know what to say for you.

DON: I am embarrassed for my behavior and I really want to work on this. I’ll be scheduling a coaching session soon.

Good for you for manning up for this and taking responsibility. When you got anxious and then got verbally abusive. You paid the price and I think you’ll remember this. I’m sure your family isn’t going to let you live this one down for years to come. Thanksgiving jokes will be a plenty. Let’s hope they don’t pull that turkey baster back out.

Never Chase After Being Dumped

Never Chase After Being Dumped.

Why you should never chase after you get dumped and how if you do, it will only make the situation worse.

If someone ends your relationship, and you want them back, there are very limited actions you can take to re attract them.

Pursuing them is not one of them. Your instinct will be to pursue her. To tell them how much you love them, to beg, to write her a letter. Try the grand gesture.

Its normal. They pull back, and you chase. It’s kind of instinct because our separation anxiety kicks in on a very deep level. And the more anxious you are on a regular basis, the more you are going to be afraid they will abandon you for good.

I have an email from Dave who says: Hey Coach, so I’m going through a break up and I’m having a really hard time. I have been with my girlfriend for 10 years. We have 2 kids together. I’ve had to switch my work schedule about 6 months ago and we haven’t been spending much time together. I am so tired that on the weekends I don’t feel like doing anything. She gets angry at me for sleeping all the time. Then as the months went on we started arguing more and more. Now, she said she can’t do it anymore. She said she’s tired of it and told me she wants me to move out. At first I refused to leave the house and she stayed at her sister’s house for about a week. I told her to come home with the kids and I will go stay with my brother. I was hoping that if I stayed there it would force her to want to work it out.

So first of all, I can only imagine what you’re going through. Ten years with someone, and two kids. You must be having a really hard time. And it would be hard to let someone go that you love.

Okay so here’s what I’m seeing. It sounds like because your work schedule changed, you weren’t spending time with her and the kids and she was getting frustrated. She probably told you that many times. She was reaching out to you repeatedly and you were making excuses.

At that point you probably were in a pattern of making excuses, while she kept pushing you to pay attention to her.

When you weren’t paying her any attention she probably turned away and said things like You don’t care about me. Leaving you alone. You would just continue to sleep only caring about having peace and quiet.

Then after she could see you weren’t trying to repair the situation, she would have an emotional melt down. You guys would start arguing. You would repeatedly use logic and reason to defend your position of being too tired.

Guys if your girl is telling you something, you need to listen to her and validate her feelings.

In this case something like, you’re tired of how much time I’ve been sleeping. You feel like I’m not spending enough time with you. Is that right? (if she says yes). You then say: Okay you’re right, I have been sleeping a lot more on the weekends because of my new work schedule. If I was in your shoes it would bother me too.

Notice how I didn’t say any excuses about being tired, you’ve probably done that a lot already.

Then you say I miss you guys, hug her, hold her. Then take her to do something fun together.

That is what you needed to do at the time. Now, your idea is to try and force her to make it work. You can’t force anyone to be with you. She feels smothered right now.

Now, what you need to do is go to your brother’s house. Give her space. Start making plans with your kids and the only reason you should contact her is about the kids. Don’t even send one message about how you miss her or love her. The only thing that does is make her feel more smothered.

Leave her alone and let her come to you. If she starts to see that you really do care about the kids and have changed, by spending time with them. Wait until she contacts you, and then plan a fun evening with her. However, the only way you share your feelings if you are reciprocating. And only match her level of reciprocation.

If she said I had a good time tonight don’t be like Iove you, I miss you, I can’t take being away from you. No you say, I had a good time too. DON’T EVEN ASK HER OUT AGAIN OR MENTION DOING IT AGAIN SOON. Let her come to you again!

Disconnection Hurts

Disconnection hurts

This video I’m going to talk about the importance of being connected to your partner.

I’m going to start by sharing a few points about how understanding this is critical to your relationships success and then I have 2 emails to get into.

Human beings form deep emotional bonds. These start in our infancy. It’s during this time we form an attachment style (based on how our caregivers take care of us).

Our emotional bonds to other people are a major source of safety. When we feel disconnected, it sends us into an emotional meltdown. This starts when we are just babies. If we cry and no one comes, we cry louder and louder until we are taken care of. Because without an adult, we die. It’s life or death.

This is why when we feel disconnected from our partner we get anxiety and the longer we feel that way, the more we are in pain and begin to see our partner as a threat. du

I got 2 emails that I’m going to do through one from a man and one from a woman. I am doing this so you can see both sides of the situation. Now, I want the ladies to know, my work does apply to you and works just as well. So both of these emails could be interchangeable.

The first email is from Luis: he writes Hey Coach, love your channel. You have really opened my eyes to relationships. My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. Yes, I am ill with diahreha. Call back to a joke I made from the video The Pain OF Break Ups. 

My girlfriend would get frustrated with me all the time. We would argue because she said I didn’t listen to her. She said we never did anything fun together and it didn’t make any sense to me. She said when she was telling me what was wrong all the time, I would say she was wrong about how she was feeling. I don’t understand what I did wrong.

Well she was feeling disconnected from you. When she would reach out to you to get connected by saying “You don’t listen to me”, you did what a man’s natural instinct is to do. Use logic and reason. Logic and reason always makes things worse. Because that didn’t make her feel connected. What she wanted was reassurance in the moment.

She would get upset and then start crying. She would say things like: “You don’t love me. You’re not here for me. You don’t listen. I don’t trust you. Are you dating someone else”? If I left during an argument she would scream even more. Blow up my phone. I know you’re going to see that whore. Who is she? And on and on. I never cheated, I was always faithful.

Yes, what happened here is that once she felt anxiety, she lost emotional self-control. When we feel cut off, we go into a panic. When people have anxiety they lose the ability to regulate their emotions.

On a side note: You know how you hear about how women test men. This is really what the test is about. Backing away and measuring the man’s anxiety level. Does he freak out, chase and lose emotional self-control? Or is he confident and waits for her to come back to him. If he is confident, he can take care of himself. He wants her, he doesn’t NEED her.

The more trauma and neglect someone has had in their life, the more likely they are going to have issues managing their anxiety and soothing themselves.

The connection must be restored. Respond on an emotional level by opening up and being present with her. My suggestion to you Luis is that you keep watching my videos. I am working on a book, but it’s a lot of work and I am very busy with coaching and emails. So it’s going to take some time to get the book done. Go to my website AskCraig.net Sign up for a coaching session and I can help you figure out in detail what is going on and set a plan with you if you want to get her back.

 I’m not going to get into the details about how to communicate in a way to help reconnect with your partner. This video is about helping you understand what happens when we disconnect.

it in this video but it involves mirroring what she is saying, validating what they have to say, and using empathy to put yourself in their shoes.

The next email is from Alexandra. She writes Hi Craig, thank you for all your wonderful videos. I have already learned so much from you and I just started watching about a week ago. She says: I am considering breaking up with my boyfriend and I want to know what you think. Anytime something is bothering me I feel like he doesn’t care.

What’s important guys is to hear what shes saying. She FEELS like he doesn’t care. Maybe he adores this girl. But when you don’t know how to connect with her about something that is upsetting her, she feels like you don’t care.

I tell him all the time that he puts his friends before me. He wants to go out with them like 3-4 nights a week, I usually don’t mind too much. But then when we do spend time together it’s usually watching a game.

Now, Alexandra you are saying you never spend time together, but that is how it FEELS. She is hurting, feeling physical pain because she feels disconnected from him. Too much of that will cause her to give up hope.

He isn’t making her feel special. He goes out with friends and then when they do spend time together it doesn’t feel fun and romantic. It’s boring and monotonous.

If he doesn’t do something quick she is gone. Then he will be like I spend 3 nights a week with you, what do you mean we are never together!

She says: I feel very alone and isolated. I am starting to resent his friends and him too. It hurts and I get a lot of attention from guys. I am not a cheater, I’m very faithful, but when I see how much attention guys are trying to give me, it only makes me feel worse about my own boyfriend.

I feel bad for this girl. She seems like a good girl who is trying to make it work. But he is doing things that keep hurting her. This is my suggestion to you.

Talk to your boyfriend and tell him you need him to listen. Tell him how you are feeling and how serious the problem is.

Tell him that one or two of those nights you want to spend cooking dinner together. Tell him that when you are together you need his undivided attention. Also suggest that on the other night (once a week) he takes you some place fun and made an effort.

If he does that he will see she will connect with him and feel good about the relationship. She would not be as upset as she is for him going out.

Be Her Best Option

Be Her Best Option

Today I’m going to be talking about the importance of being a woman’s best option and some different ways you can do that.

I got an email today from Ron who opens up about his reoccurring and persistent fears about his girlfriend leaving him.

Ron said, Hey Craig, so this email is difficult for me to write. I haven’t opened up to anyone about this, but it’s something that bothers me. Honestly, I don’t even like to talk about it as it makes it feel more real and I get scared that it will make it happen.

Ron that is a natural fear. That when we talk about it we give it some power. Actually talking about it makes it less likely to happen. Because we become conscious of it, we deal with it and then don’t unconsciously push for it.

Ron said: I constantly don’t think I’m good enough for my girlfriend. I don’t have a good job or career and she makes a lot more money than me. My girl gets hit on by a lot of guys and I’m constantly afraid that she is going to leave me for them.

Okay, so you’re feeling insecure and have anxiety. Now I would suggest that you look at your relationship with your parents. It seems like you have some abandonment issues going on. Did your parents get a divorce or one of your parents leave? These early wounds affect us as adults.

Understand that the reason passion fades from relationships is anxiety. When we become anxious we do things like withdraw or become aggressive. So you’re going to have to soothe yourself.

Ron says at times I feel so close to exploding and just losing it. I don’t want to ruin things but I know I’m getting close to saying or doing things that I’m going to regret. Do you think she will leave me for a guy with money?

Ron get a hold of your emotions. You have to be able to calm down.

Let me reassure you that most women that have a healthy attachment style will not leave love for money.

You cannot control if someone leaves you. You have to be in a place where if someone doesn’t want to be with you, you have to be okay with it. You don’t have to like it. Just be okay with it.

Be okay with wherever you are in the present moment. Everything happens for a reason. The more you can be fine with whatever happens and comes your way the happier and at peace you will be.

What can I do to stop worrying about everyone else?

Focusing on what you can control will help you be confident. Your mindset should simply be to be her best option.

Here are some ways to do that: Always be curious about what is going on with her. Talk to her about her dreams.

Be there for her, be emotionally responsive, make her feel special, listen to her, communicate with her, respect her, and make her feel connected to you, reassure her when she is anxious, she will stay faithful and loyal. Grow together.

Remember women are attracted to behavior.

There is only one you. We are all special and unique. You have to focus on what you want to happen. You want to focus on creating a great relationship and that is exactly what you will create.

3 ways we ruin relationships

One of the biggest core problems in our romantic relationships is when we feel disconnected from our partner.

Sometimes we do things to them to make them feel disconnected.

Sometimes it has more to do with them and their own personal issues. Today’s video/article I’m going to focus on what we do to push our partner away.

I got an email from Aaron that says: Hey coach, love your channel. Your content is fantastic. I am big into psychology and quickly you have become my new Youtube channel. I was wondering about what you think the biggest things we do in our relationships to cause problems.

Great question Aaron. I would say one of the biggest things we do to ruin our relationship fall under the umbrella of negativity. Negativity towards our partner.

Negativity makes us feel attacked. If you want to have a great relationship it must feel safe. You must be a predictable and reliable source of love and comfort.

This is absolutely huge so I’m going to say it again. If you want to have a great relationship it must feel safe. You must be a predictable and reliable source of love and comfort.

I am going to share 3 things we do that destroy that emotional safety. They are rejecting our partner, excluding our partner and criticizing our partner.

When you reject your partner it hurts. There are all kinds of ways you can reject someone. You can reject their opinion about something. Reject them physically. Leave me alone. I’m busy. I’m not in the mood.

Think about a time when you wanted to feel close to your partner and they rejected you. It hurts. Be aware that if you do it, you will be less safe to them.

The second one is to exclude your partner. Now you can exclude them by not talking about what is going on with you. When they ask you? What’s wrong? And you say I don’t want to talk about it. They will sense that distance and it will make them feel anxious.

Remember back to a time with your partner where you kept trying to get them to open up so you could get close to them, but they kept putting up walls. You felt excluded from their presence.

The third one is Criticize. When you criticize your partner it does not feel safe. It makes them

In order to have intimacy and connect with someone in a relationship you have to have safety. If there is no safety, the brain will see the other person as a threat.

You have to make people feel like they matter to you. Like you are going to be there for them. If you want to have a great relationship it must feel safe. You must be a predictable and reliable source of love and comfort.