3 ways we ruin relationships

One of the biggest core problems in our romantic relationships is when we feel disconnected from our partner.

Sometimes we do things to them to make them feel disconnected.

Sometimes it has more to do with them and their own personal issues. Today’s video/article I’m going to focus on what we do to push our partner away.

I got an email from Aaron that says: Hey coach, love your channel. Your content is fantastic. I am big into psychology and quickly you have become my new Youtube channel. I was wondering about what you think the biggest things we do in our relationships to cause problems.

Great question Aaron. I would say one of the biggest things we do to ruin our relationship fall under the umbrella of negativity. Negativity towards our partner.

Negativity makes us feel attacked. If you want to have a great relationship it must feel safe. You must be a predictable and reliable source of love and comfort.

This is absolutely huge so I’m going to say it again. If you want to have a great relationship it must feel safe. You must be a predictable and reliable source of love and comfort.

I am going to share 3 things we do that destroy that emotional safety. They are rejecting our partner, excluding our partner and criticizing our partner.

When you reject your partner it hurts. There are all kinds of ways you can reject someone. You can reject their opinion about something. Reject them physically. Leave me alone. I’m busy. I’m not in the mood.

Think about a time when you wanted to feel close to your partner and they rejected you. It hurts. Be aware that if you do it, you will be less safe to them.

The second one is to exclude your partner. Now you can exclude them by not talking about what is going on with you. When they ask you? What’s wrong? And you say I don’t want to talk about it. They will sense that distance and it will make them feel anxious.

Remember back to a time with your partner where you kept trying to get them to open up so you could get close to them, but they kept putting up walls. You felt excluded from their presence.

The third one is Criticize. When you criticize your partner it does not feel safe. It makes them

In order to have intimacy and connect with someone in a relationship you have to have safety. If there is no safety, the brain will see the other person as a threat.

You have to make people feel like they matter to you. Like you are going to be there for them. If you want to have a great relationship it must feel safe. You must be a predictable and reliable source of love and comfort.