What's An Attachment Style

What’s An Attachment Style?

I talk about attachment styles in a lot of my videos. Some of you guys have no idea what I’m talking about.

So in today’s video, I’m going to give a little bit of an overview of them. And help you understand why knowing about them, can help you gain tremendous insight into yourself and your relationships.

One of the awesome things for you guys who get my coaching, is that I can ask you a few questions about you and your partner, and it will give me a lot of information on how to help you personally. And make adjustments that is going to give you better results.

I got an email today from James who said: Hey Craig, I have to say, I have learned more about relationships from watching your videos in the past month, than I have my entire life. Thank you! This channel is going to be huge. I feel really grateful for all your hard work so I wanted to make a donation to your channel, but I see that there isn’t a donate button.

Thank you James. I didn’t intend to put one up, but I had a few other people bring that up to me, so I will. I think what I’m going to do is put any donations I get to a college fund for my son.

James: So I still don’t really understand what an attachment style can you talk about it?

Absolutely. A log time ago in a baby crib far far away…

As a baby, around 3 months old we begin to attach to our caregivers. We form an Emotional bond.

Human beings have the longest and most dependent infancy of any species. So if our caregivers don’t take care of us, we die. So we bond with each other.

If our parents or caregivers (I use these terms interchangeably) are attentive to our needs, hold us, feed us, change us, give us attention and love consistently and reliably… say 90 percent of the time. We form a secure attachment with them.

When our parents are not as attentive to our needs, and do not meet our needs consistently we form an insecure attachment style.

Here are just some possible reasons as to why that happened: your mother has a postpartum depression. Maybe she has 4 kids. Maybe your parents work all the time. Maybe you went to an overwhelmed daycare. You had parent that had an avoidant attachment style themselves so they didn’t connect with you. They could have had mental health issues.

Your parents could have been alcoholics or drug addicts. Maybe they just aren’t good parents. It could be a lot of reasons, but for whatever reason. Their inconsistency caused you to have an insecure attachment style.

So when we learned to reach out for our parents, they didn’t come. This is our introduction to the world.

Love does not feel safe to people who form an insecure attachment style.

There are 3 basic types of attachment styles:

Secure- the ones who had their needs met most of the time. These people tend to be well adjusted.

Anxious They were fearful of abandonment. They have separation anxiety. They’re constantly looking for little things that prove that you are going to leave them. So

Avoidant They don’t trust people. So they didn’t attach. They kind of have lost hope in people.

James: how does an attachment style effect relationships?

So there are a lot of ways an attachment style effects a relationship. I will share a few examples.

There is a constant struggle in a relationship with fears of abandonment and fears of enmeshment.

Secure: Let’s say you promised your wife you would cook, and you had a terrible day and get home late. Your wife will be more understanding and say to themselves “Hey honey, I know you said you would cook, but I know you said you were having a bad day so I cooked for us. You can cook another day this week”.

Anxious: If you come home late from work, your wife might sit there thinking. He promised me he was going to be here. I knew he was going to do this. His job is more important than his family. I don’t know why I bother. You’re late again huh? You promised you were going to make dinner.

Avoidant: You come home late from work. She’s sitting there eating. You look at her, oh you cooked? Yes, but I didn’t know if you wanted any so I just cooked for myself. Then they’ll ignore you and act like you don’t exist.

As a baby, our attachment to our caregivers is our introduction to the world. Growing up with those kind of caregivers cause us to from a style. The more deprived we were, the more anxious or avoidant we will be.

By learning about attachment styles, you will begin to be aware of how and why you do certain things and feel a certain way. You can also then understand your partner better and give them what they need (whether they are able to tell you or not).

If you are single, keep watching my videos, I will give plenty of examples in future videos. Knowing about attachment styles will allow you to you will know what you’re getting yourself into when you start to date someone new.

Surprise! She Came Back Again

Surprise! She Came Back Again

So today’s video is about how women can come back into your life out of nowhere

Many times we can be talking to a woman and for whatever reason she disappears from your life. That can happen from a multiple of reasons. Another guy in the picture. Busy with work. It can be anything.

BUT Anytime you hear from a woman from out of nowhere, assume it’s because she wants to see you.

The amount of time in between hearing from her doesn’t matter. Even if it’s been a year. If she texts you, it’s because she’s thinking about you, and she wants you to ask her out.

That’s just how women are. They aren’t going to ask you out directly. Most of the time it is indirect and confusing.

However they approach it, it will most likely leave you scratching your head.

Women know how easy it is for men to come on too strong, so they don’t do it. Think about it from their perspective for a minute. They know that if a guy calls them or texts them, he’s interested.

They don’t like to be that direct. So it’s almost like they do a misdirect in their direct approach. For example: texting you is direct. But if they do it in a way that confuses you, it no longer appears direct at all.

I want to give an example from my own life. I was talking to a girl and set up a definite time and day for a date. I had narrowed it down to 2 restaurants and I was looking into which one. I texted her to tell her which place I had picked, but she didn’t text back.

Now, she was a very pretty girl and I was definitely interested in taking her out. BUT, I’m at a place where I know I’m a catch. I want someone who’s excited for my time. I am extremely busy and don’t get many free evenings in the week. So I didn’t text her again.

Two weeks later she sent me a text that said “I guess you decided to do something else. I wish you the best”.

See how she texted me in a way that was confusing?  I was confused. I sent her a question mark and I said. I’m so confused.

She said How? I never heard back from you.

I told her I texted you, and she said she never got it. So I sent her a screen shot and cleared it up.

Now the one thing I was not confused about was making asking her out again right away. She told me her to call her the following week to set something up.

So that’s exactly what you do guys. She was helping me. She was telling me what she wants. She doesn’t want a text, she wants me to call her.

You have to pay attention to the little things like that.

But that is usually how a woman comes back into your life. In a way that leaves you scratching your head wondering what just happened. She indirectly got you to ask her out and get your interest without getting rejected. Clever girl.

Does My Information Help Women?

Does My Information Help Women?

Today I’m going to answer 2 emails I got from women regarding if what I teach will work for them.

The first emailer says: Hi Craig, I love your channel and your information has helped me a lot already. My question to you is does your information help women?

No it only works on people who have souls. Just kidding

Absolutely. I would say the area that has the biggest difference is in the early courtship phase.

Because there are different expectations for men and women in that phase of the relationship. The man is expected to pursue the woman and show interest.

For example: Women want the man to ask for her number, text her or calling her, and ask her on the date. So in that sense, I have to teach guys how to court a woman properly. Some women don’t mind pursuing the guy, but most women want the guy to show his confidence and ask her out.

A lot of my information is helpful to both men and women, such as keys to a healthy relationship or reasons relationships fail. Any time I talk about attachment styles, it’s helpful to men and women.

If you have a specific question just go to AskCraig.net and you can get my help personally.

I got a second email here from Beth. She asks Hi Craig, I just started watching your videos and they are great. Very practical. My question is when a man moves on, will he change his feelings and reach back out. I shouldn’t reach out? I should make him miss me right? Am I understanding you correctly?

I’ve heard that it comes across as needy or clingy to communicate if they don’t respond?

Okay, good question. So if a man moves on will he change his feelings and reach back out? Okay if are dating a guy and he just stopped contacting you? Send him one text message. If he doesn’t reply, wait at least another week and reach out one more time. If they don’t respond, move on.

You do not want to keep messaging someone that doesn’t reply. They will start to lose respect for you. They’ll take you for granted. And your value will decrease in their eyes.

The mystery and excitement that first comes when you start talking with someone is gone. People want what they can’t have.

Beth: After watching your videos I think I have an anxious attachment style. I have been talking with 3 different guys. One guy texts me all the time, morning, during the day, and at night. I feel like that means he has a higher interest and wants something serious.

It could mean he has a higher interest. But to me it indicates he has an anxious attachment style. So it is possible he has a higher interest in you. It’s also possible he has an anxious attachment style and is anxious with 20 other women that he is also talking to.

I know a guy who has a very anxious attachment style. He loves attention and drama. So he is constantly texting a girl all day long. The thing is, he is texting 5-6 girls all day long. He is using them to feel good about himself and validate himself. And guess what, all these girls get attached to him thinking they are something special to him, when the truth is he is only using them to cover up his insecurity.

Beth: One guy occasionally texts me and seems fairly interested. The third guy didn’t text message me for 4 days, so it seems he is the least interested.

Well, it’s also possible he is the most secure and/or the most busy. Does he have kids, does he work a lot? You have to consider those factors. A confident guy won’t need to chase a girl. He knows he is a catch and will reach out to you and set dates when he can. If you find another guy, he’s not going to get upset because he knows a woman will see his value.

If they aren’t returning your messages after a reasonable amount of time, they obviously don’t value you. Now, if they were attached or think you’ve moved on, their interest could rise again.

But you must cut off all contact with someone who does not respect you or value your time. Find someone who will.

9 Worst Types of Messages for Online Dating

9 WORST types of messages for online Dating. 

This article and video I discuss messages that just aren’t going to get you anywhere with women on dating apps or online dating.

1)     Lazy messages like Hi. Or What’s up?

2)     The really long message These read like a book. Hey Vicky just wanted to say Hi. I’m hoping your having a good day, I’m having a good day. My brother is having a pretty good day. My sister said her day was nice. How is your day?

3)     Needy: Would you like to talk? Or I would love to talk. Can we talk? Let’s discuss if we should talk

Here’s a popular needy one. Hi Becky just wanted to say hi. Say hi if you’re interested. (You don’t have to tell them to say hi if they’re interested. They will). They don’t look at your profile and say. “OMG I love this guy’s profile, but I don’t know what to do!”

4)     Bossy: Tell me more about yourself. What kind of job do you have? It’s not an interview. You’re supposed to be trying to create attraction.

You are my type. Let’s talk and get to know each other. She has some say in the matter.

These last 4 are the worst

5)     Weird: It’s sad that I have to tell you not to tell her anything weird.

I bet you smell like croutons. Love, Mike

6)     Creepy: It puts the lotion in the basket. Lustingly yours, Mike

7)     Sexual: What’s your favorite sexual position. Do you like porn? Are you horny? BTW my name is Mike

8)     Stalker: Hey, I know we met on a dating site 5 years ago and you are married with kids. But if your horny lets hook up. Mike

9)     The Combo- God I just want 45 minutes with you in the back of an ice cream truck. (Weird, Creepy, and Sexual) Your uncle, Mike

Online Dating Etiquette

Online Dating Etiquette

Today’s video is about some etiquette you should have when messaging a woman for dating apps or websites.

I’ve had several women ask me to do this for you guys as they are getting tired of how guys talk with them.

What you have to understand is that online dating is very different for women.

It is very overwhelming for them. They are bombarded with emails and messages.

Some dating apps like Tinder or Bumble are more manageable because they have to choose you to be a mutual match.

But on something where a guy can send a message without being a match… A pretty girl will get like 30-50 messages a day.

I remember years ago my Step Sister set up a Plenty of Fish account at like Midnight. By the morning she had like 30 something messages.

I could be on there for a year and not get that many messages.

So, understand she is already overwhelmed. You have to be patient.

Can I tell you, women will sign on, look at all the messages, get overwhelmed and be like I’ll come back later.

Then a guy who messaged her sees she is online, and get angry because she hasn’t responded yet.

If you do that, you deserve to be alone. Are you that weak, that you can’t be patient enough to wait for a reply? If you are that insecure out the gate, how the hell are you going to act in a relationship? Like a weak bitch.

If you get angry and insult women when they reject you, you’re weak and you deserved to be rejected.

You have just proven to her that rejecting you was the right thing to do because you have no emotional self control.

Nobody likes to be rejected, it hurts. It hurts and it sucks.

Beautiful women have a ton of options and it won’t take her long to find a man who is emotionally more stable than you.

Be the mountain. Your opinion of yourself should be the only one that matters, when you have that attitude, it doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like you. Because you know you’re great.

If you send her a message and she’s interested, she will write you back. You be a man and exhibit emotional self control. Go on with your life and she will message you when she’s ready.

Do not message her twice in a row. If she is interested, she will message you. Let’s say you message each other 3 or 4 times and then she doesn’t get back to you. Wait a minimum of a week. Even a week and a half. Send 1 follow up message. If she doesn’t reply, assume she isn’t interested and move on.

Now, a lot of girls complain about what guys say. I can tell you, the messages are bad. Like 75 percent are awful.

So what kind of message do you want to send. Read her profile, what does she seem passionate about or interested in. If she talks about something in more detail, it’s probably something that is important to her and would be excited to talk about.

You want to be friendly, casual, interesting and inviting. Maybe 2-3 sentences long.

Maybe end the email with a corny joke. But don’t give the answer. Wait for her to reply and answer the joke in the reply email.

Online dating is creepy, scary and overwhelming for women. Be understanding of that and relax. If you come on too strong you’re going to freak her out.

Am I Ready For A Relationship?

Am I ready for a relationship?

I got a follow up email from Marv who I talked about in the video. I Feel Trapped In My Relationship.

Marv says: I wanted to thank you for your advice. When I first contacted you, I told you how I was dating 3 different women and they were all getting attached. Two of the girls wanted to get serious. One left and I agreed to a committed if the relationship with one of the girls.  A few weeks later a girl kissed me at a bar and I kissed her back. I questioned if I should stay in the relationship.  I’m disappointed to say that I cheated on my girlfriend and made out with her.  I confessed to my girlfriend and told her what happened and reiterated my apprehension to getting into a committed relationship.

Okay, what I like about what Marv did is he owned his behavior. Obviously he cheated and he knew it was wrong. So he owned up to it and told her the truth. A real adult owns it.

You can’t change anything you can’t own. So if someone ever lies or cheats on you guys and you are wondering if you should stay, the first thing you need to know is are they being honest about what really happened. If they are lying or minimizing it, they’re not going to change.

She was furious at me at first and cried the but she said she wanted to make things work between us. We are currently in an open relationship and I was completely honest with her about how I was feeling. How do I know if I’m ready for a committed relationship?

That is a good question Marv.

When you know, you know. If you’re having that many doubts, and your feelings aren’t strong enough then you’re not ready right now.

If you are wanting to do anything that you wouldn’t want them to know about, you’re not ready.

If you’re texts to anyone else are inappropriate. Or your friendships are in any way inappropriate, stay single.

You have to have empathy. Think about how you would feel if someone did those things to you. Would you feel hurt, sad, betrayed or angry if they did those things? If the answer is yes, don’t be in a relationship.

You need to ask yourself, can I do monogamy?

Don’t promise it if you can’t. Not everyone is cut out to do a monogamous relationship.

You can cause permanent harm to someone else by being unfaithful. Heartbreaks are pretty traumatizing.

Think about anytime someone broke up with you. Chances are, if you think about the time that it happened, you can remember how painful it really is.

Pokemon Go Got him dumped

Pokémon Go got him dumped?

I have been getting several emails about Pokémon go causing relationship problems.

I got an email here from Rose, who has some very critical words for Pokémon Go.

Hey Craig: I am writing to you because I want your advice. My boyfriend of 2 years got that stupid Pokémon Go game the other day and I am sick of hearing about it. He is 28 years old and shouldn’t be playing video games. That’s so childish. I thought when I started dating him he would be more mature because he is a lawyer. I don’t like them, he’s too immature.

Well you sound like a barrel of fun. Listen to her projecting her views onto him. She believes video games are for kids and so because she doesn’t like them, he’s stupid.

Video games are stupid? He’s too old to be playing video games?

I can just imagine her. “Why do you like that stuff. It’s so stupid”.

Love is supposed to be playful and fun. You’re getting angry because he’s being playful and having fun.

Not only does she not know how to have fun, but he’s not allowed to have fun either.

Rose: He has been talking to his brother about this game nonstop. They are even planning on going to some stupid meet up to find these things.

Some girls can’t stand when they aren’t getting a guys undivided attention. He found something to do with his free time and can’t stand that it makes him happy.

Rose: I don’t even get it, like how are they finding these things? Where are they? I see people walking and taking pictures of them, but I don’t see them.

How are they finding these things? Does she think they’re real. Does she think they’re like really small and they’re zooming in with a camera? Or do you think there are cartoon characters coming to life and you’re just not seeing them?

Honestly, I can’t be with a guy who is going to be acting like a little kid. I want an adult.

You are infuriating. I have dated a girl just like her. She insulted all the things I enjoy doing, even though she knew it when she started dating me. She would constantly make digs about the things I enjoy and try to get me to quit.

He is an adult. The man is a lawyer.

Rose: Would you please tell him to stop playing that game? That a real man would not be playing kids games for 9 year olds. I told him I would consider taking him back if he stops playing the game.

First of all, there is no way in hell I’m going to tell him to stop playing a video game.

Nothing will kill a relationship faster than negativity. Watch my video 3 Ways We Ruin Relationships

If he is listening to this video I would say, dude I hope you catch them all.

Guys, never stop being yourself or doing the things you enjoy for a woman. It’s weak and submissive and it turns women off.

They want to change you, and then when they do, they aren’t attracted to you anymore. Because you’re not the guy she fell in love with.

If I was dating a girl who was acting like you, I would kick you to the curb. You better lighten up and stop being so rigid.

Have fun, go for walks with your boyfriend and try to spot them. Bring your magnifying glass cause they’re really small.

Make sure you find a partner, who supports your passions and interests. Not puts them down or insults them.

My Life Sucks

My Life Sucks

Today’s video is about a guy who’s going through a really difficult time right now and has come to me for help.

Hey Coach, I’m going to be honest. My life sucks right now. I honestly don’t even know what to do anymore. I feel lonely and alone. The girl that I’ve given my heart to doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t even understand why. I was a great guy to her. We have a 4-year-old daughter together and I always put her and our daughter first. We have been on and off for the past few years.

Email Continued: I really still love her, but I know she has problems. She just refuses to see it. I’ve always been encouraging and supporting. I don’t know if she’s depressed. I kind of think she is. She lives in a fantasy world of how she wants life to be. She wants a guy that has a lot of money, I do okay, but I’m not rich. It makes me so sad sometimes. After watching your videos I understand that she has an avoidant attachment style. I really want it to work, but I know she’s going on dates with other guys. I saw her texting a guy right in front of me.  Is there any way she will ever change and want to work things out with me?

Okay, tough email. So first of all let me say, you are really brave to open up and be honest with yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’ve been in a very similar situation with my ex before.

Let me start with your ex first and I’ll share some of my thoughts. It sounds like your ex is depressed. If she is, that could be a major factor in everything that she does.

It also seems like she doesn’t really value you. You seem like you really love this girl. For whatever reason, she doesn’t care about you that much. But if she has an avoidant attachment style, she doesn’t care about anyone that much. Except probably your daughter. So that also plays a big part in your situation.

I think it’s kind of rude for her to be texting a guy in front of you. That shows she really doesn’t care about how you feel. Especially if she knows you still care about her (which based on how you talk, she must know). All she seems to care about is what is going to make her feel good in the moment. But I bet if you did that in front of her, she would notice real fast.

Now, you say that you love her and you have a daughter together so I can understand why you would want it to work out. Now, you want to know will she change? Can it work out?

Okay, can she change? Obviously anyone can, but she seems really unmotivated to do so at this time. Something is going to have to happen in order for that to occur. She probably needs a wake up call. So first and foremost you have to stop being a back up plan for her. She is using you for a crutch.

Cut yourself out of her life as much as humanly possible, other than your daughter. Do not call her for any reason, other than a valid situation regarding your daughter. Now, don’t lie to yourself. The reason has to be valid. If it isn’t, she will see through it 100 percent and know you are still her crutch.

You have to be absent in her life. Gone. The reason is, that she needs to be realize that if she doesn’t do something, she’s going to be alone on the dance floor. So do not call her or text her unless absolutely necessary. Scarcity creates value and the quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours.

So cut her out of your life for as long as you want to be with her romantically.

Now, the next thing you need to do is start dating other women. One of the most attractive traits a man can have is to be attractive to other women. Go on as many dates as possible and have fun. Somehow women always know. It’s like the universe sends them a message that you’ve moved on. As soon as you do, they want you back.

In her case, she will probably contact you about some unimportant thing regarding your daughter. If you are confused as to why she’s contacting you, that’s her indirect direct way of seeing how you’ll respond.

Flirt with her to gauge her interest. Be like, so you missed me already? She’ll probably be like “No, I’m only texting you about (insert fake excuse here). You say okay, well when you miss me let me know and we can have fun together.

Now, the reason you are suffering is because things are different than you want them to be. I believe things happen for a reason. So, either you are meant to find someone better, or she has to go through this to see what she has lost.

Either way, you deserve to be happy. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work.

She's Dating A Jerk

She’s Dating a Jerk

I got an email from a guy from Bruce, who is interested in one of his co workers. The problem is that she is already dating someone. And he says, the guy is a jerk.

Hi Coach, thanks for all the great videos. I decided to come to you for help on the recommendation of one of my good friends that you helped. He swore by you. I was really skeptical at first, but I am now a believer.

Amen to that. He has seen the light!

Bruce:I work with a girl who is beautiful, smart, and very sweet. We talk all the time and I feel like there is some chemistry between us. I have noticed that more often than not she is playing with her hair when we talk.

That is definitely a good sign. A great way you can tell if a woman likes you is if they play with their hair. It’s instinctual. They do it unconsciously when they are attracted to you.

Bruce: We started getting to know each other recently. She told me recently that she is unsure about him and things were not going good. She admitted he had cheated on her and she had found out by accident. I won’t get into the details, but he did not cover up his tracks very good.

Yes this happened with a good friend of mine. She was dating a guy, and I could see why. The guy was a carbon copy of her father (who she was very close to). Both of them were like a real mans man. Drinking, smoking cigars, shooting guns, good with women.

She accidently found out he was cheating on her.  She had a girlfriend who was desperately in need of a phone. So she gave him her boyfriends old broken phone (which had a cracked screen). When they turned it on to check it out, she saw all kinds of graphic text messages that had totally incriminated him. HE was cheating on her and talking to her about when they would meet up to hook up. But she ultimately married the guy because he was exactly like her father. Who she was very close with.

Bruce: I don’t think they will last much longer. What should I do?

Well Bruce, like I just said, I didn’t think my friend would last much longer when her guy cheated him, but she married him anyway.

Do not interfere with her relationship at all. Don’t bad mouth the guy. Just listen to her. If he really is a jerk, she will see it for herself (she likely already is).

So, you should focus on women who are available and ready to date.

If you sit around waiting for her, you’ll be missing out on living your life! A strong confident guy will live his life.

There is no guarantee she will ever leave the guy, or become available.

IF and WHEN she becomes available, casually invite her out. Remember, she will probably need some time before she gets into a relationship again. So just be very casual and invite her out for some fun.

We Need To Talk

We need to talk (how to handle that talk)

Today I’m going to discuss the dreaded 4 words you never want to hear someone say: We need to talk.

We all know that a lot of the time it really means. I’m breaking up with you.

Maybe you’re sensing that your partner is ready to give you the “we need to talk speech” or maybe they even said “We need to talk” and you haven’t talked yet.

The reason I’m doing this video is because I get a lot of guys asking me how to handle this situation and by the time they get to me the talk is already done and mistakes have been made.

If you guys sense that your girlfriend or wife is about to leave you, contact me immediately. Go to AskCraig.net. Sign up for the coaching option as soon as you can. I am very busy and hesitating will make the difference in when I can get to you. The sooner I get with you, the more likely I can help you correct an issue before you make any more mistakes. If I can get with you before the talk, that would be ideal.

I got an email from Martin who said: Hey Martin that said, my girlfriend and I haven’t been getting along the past few months. She is out of town with her family and says she wants to see me when we return. She said We need to talk when I get back. I have a feeling like she is going to break up with me. Please help. I love her, what do I do in this situation. I am really worried.

He is already having separation anxiety. When that happens people lose emotional self control.

So what do you do If your girl says:+ I’m not happy, I want to break up. Panic. Run out of the house and don’t look back.

I’m totally kidding. Say, Oh is that it? I thought it was something important.

Okay don’t do that either. But believe it or not, that reaction would make her more attracted to you than begging for her to give you another chance.

She will probably give you some of the BS reasons as to why she’s breaking up with you. I don’t want a relationship now. I’m busy with school. It’s not you, it’s me. None of that is true.

What it means is her attraction level for you has dropped. Bottom line. It dropped to a point where she would rather be single than with you. Right now she’s not in love with you- at the moment.

A woman in love will do ANYTHING to keep someone she loves. You ever heard the song by Barbara Streisand? I am a woman in love and I’d do anything to get you into my world and hold you within.

So what do you do? Accept the break up. You may try to talk her out of it. DON’T. I know it is terrifying that you think if it ends it will end for good. That is not usually the case.

Tell her you love her and that isn’t what you want. Tell her if she changes her mind to call you.

If she says I’m not going to change my mind. DO NOT TRY TO ARGUE THAT. Simply say People change their mind all the time and leave it at that. She’ll probably start trying to console you saying that she’s not going to.

Of course right now she is going to say that! That is how she feels! If she thought she would change her mind, she wouldn’t be breaking up with you.

You know how when you just ate a huge meal, you feel like you’ll never want to eat again… You really feel like that at the time and you can’t even remember what it was like to be hungry. Obviously I’m using that as an example so you can see that feelings change. I don’t want to get 100 emails saying how dare you equate being hungry to love.

If she tells you she wants to say friends. Tell her you are not interested in being just friends. Politely decline.

Your behavior will make a huge difference on her attraction level and re attracting her.

You may make the mistake of trying to use logic and reason. You may try to convince them to stay. The more you do, the more you are making them feel trapped. That will only push her away further.

NEVER try to talk to a woman logically about working it out. I’ve tried it. It does not work. That does not change their feelings.

She need time and space away from you. Chances are you were saying and doing things to make them feel trapped.

So you take all the space you want. You are now a free man to date whoever you want. Do it. When she starts to realize that she is going to lose you, then her feelings will change.

So to summarize: If a woman ever surprises you with We Need to Talk. Remain calm. Remember that feelings can and do change. 1) Accept the break up. Do not try to talk her out of it. 2) Tell her you love her and to call you if she changes her mind. 3) Tell her you are not interested in being friends. 4) Take space, and start dating other women.

The sooner you do the better you will feel. I’m not going to get into all the details of what to do from here. I just wanted to focus on how you handle that talk when it happens. The key is emotional self-control.