Craig (00:00):
Today we're going to be talking about how to get her to think about you. So obviously if you're interested in somebody, you're hoping that they're thinking about you, because you're thinking about them all the time and you start to have feelings for somebody and you want to see it develop. Now, if you are in a breakup, obviously you have a long history with that person. And there's a lot of things that you can remember that is going to get you to think about them more, but that works for them as well. That they're going to be able to have that long history to call up with you as well. So what do you do? How do you get somebody to think about you? Well, we've got some strategies here and some tips to consider and think about that we like, and that we think are going to help. To me, one of the most important things is focusing on how you are in the present with that person. When you're on the date, how are you doing? How are you acting? How are you treating them? What is going on? What is that connection like? You know, I can think of a couple I saw on a date years ago, they were literally both on their phone, look bored out of their mind. Why are you even together? What is the point of even being together? You must be miserable. I mean, it was literally the entire dinner. Wow. And so, you know, you don't want to be wrapped up in your own thing when you're supposed to be connecting with another person.
Victoria (02:13):
Exactly. And it's that connection that makes the moment memorable and it's going to come up in her mind over and over again. So being able to have a good time with her is going to make her feel like, wow, the time that I spend with him is more fun than the time I spend without him and that's going to make her want to spend more time with you.
Craig (02:32):
Yeah. It's so true. If you're having more fun with that person, then they're going to want more of that time with you. And so now we know that over time, a relationship isn't going to be as fun and as exciting as it is in the beginning, that's just part of dating and the newness and the excitement that comes. But that doesn't mean you can't have a lot of memorable moments, right. And even after that
Victoria (03:00):
Moment has passed, that memory is going to come up if it was a fun lighthearted one. And even after a relationship, I mean, I can think personally of people that I've dated in the past, where we've had funny moments that, you know, I'm driving to work and the memory pops up and I'm laughing. And for no reason, I look like a crazy person out here. But that's the effect of being able to be present and mindful and playful with your partner or somebody that you're dating.
Craig (03:27):
Absolutely. So it's important that when you're present with somebody on a date and you're having fun with them, that you are able to do it in a way that you're not scared to be yourself and let your guard down at times and being a little bit vulnerable with that person allows you to say that joke that maybe is right on the tip of your tongue, but you don't want to say it cause you're like, ah, I don't know. I don't know if she's going to like this or what she's going to think about it.
Victoria (04:02):
Yeah. And taking those social risks can reap a big benefit for you if it's going to make her think about you more often. So on a physiological level, being playful and humorous with your partner can reduce stress and research shows that playfulness in relationships has increased relationship satisfaction reports. So that's something to think about when you're interacting with your partner and trying to build that connection. It creates a safe atmosphere where you can be vulnerable. So it almost has this reciprocal relationship of the more playful you are. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed you are, the more playful you can be. Yeah.
Craig (04:41):
A big part of that comes from your own insecurities and fears. If you're afraid to be alone, then you're going to be afraid to mess up. And you're not going to be more natural and be more of yourself or who you normally would be around friends and family that you know, aren't going to reject you. So you have to work through your own insecurities and become more confident because you'll add more natural to who you normally are instead of you know, being afraid of turning the person off. And then you're not yourself around them and they could feel it and the connection feels off and then they get turned off.
Victoria (05:20):
Right. And if you think about it, humor is a common trait that people name when talking about their ideal partner. So taking that risk to be humorous and be playful with somebody that you're meeting that's new is going to benefit you.
Craig (05:35):
Absolutely. It keeps things fun. It keeps things exciting. It keeps the mundane memorable, right? Like if you go to the grocery store and you're doing silly stuff and having a good time just going to the grocery store that keeps life fun. We all have things that we have to do that we don't want to do. Right. But if you laugh and joke around and have fun with your partner in those moments where you have to do things that aren't necessarily fun, it makes your life just far more enjoyable. One thing that great comedians can do is look at something slightly different, right? If you can have a different angle on thing, a different take, it, it kind of lightens things up, right? Like I was reminding coach Victoria about a joke that I used to do on my aunt about a guy that used to sell turtles on the side of the road. . And so I had a funny perspective of like, why would you buy a turtle? Like they're not that hard to catch and who is selling turtles on the side of the road. And I went into like the interesting of things of such a bizarre thing where most people just drive by and think nothing of a turtle van. But me I'm like, what is this van on the side of the road, right. Who is buying turtles? So, you know, if you can kind of look at life a little bit differently and have an interesting perspective on things, it creates memorable moments,
Victoria (07:10):
Right, So think outside of the box and talking about the turtle. No, I didn't even think about it. So I will say a disclaimer here though. You don't want to tease your partner to the point where you're hurting their feelings, because this will hurt the connection. And I'm sure you all can think of hurtful jokes that your partners may have said. So these also stick with you, be very cautious with the way you approach your partner and make sure that you're not putting them down in the way that you're being playful
Craig (07:39):
Keep in mind that everybody has their own insecurities and things that they don't like about themselves. And you just don't want to hurt them in a way or an area that they're sensitive.
Victoria (07:49):
And this goes along the lines of our next tip for getting her to think about you and that's to read the room and to think about the way you interact with other people while you're around her. So this includes the waiter at the restaurant that you're at. This includes her friends, her family, because she's going to see these interactions and then think to herself, if I'm going to integrate this person into my life, this is how they're going to interact with the people that are closest to me or people around me in general.
Craig (08:21):
Yeah. I think this is just my opinion, but women are more socially conscious and aware of how people treat each other than men are. Men tend to be a little bit more insensitive or oblivious, but I think women are more astute to picking up social cues than we guys are. And so you gotta be aware that you may not think it's a big deal, but if she finds you being rude to somebody, a waiter, somebody, a sales member or something like that, it's going to stick with her, especially when they have limited interactions with them. They're just getting to know you.
Victoria (08:59):
Right. That's really critical. Especially in the beginning, our next tip to get her to think about you is to not be too available.
Craig (09:08):
Yeah. That's a big one because you don't want to look eager. I mean, it's nice to know when somebody's interested in you, but if their interest level is too much too soon, it can get a little weird. Right. And your insecurities are going to cause you to do these things. Whether you realize it or not. I've talked about the girl who said she loved me four times on the second date. Yeah. Right. I mean, this wasn't somebody that had known me for a long time. That thought, you know, there were a lot of things that she liked about me and the friendship that we had. She barely knew me. Right. And so, you know, those kinds of things are, I mean, that was it for me. I'm like, Whoa, I mean, you don't know me. And you're telling me, you love me. You know, that is like coming on really strong. So coming on strong can come out in different ways and being too available is one of them.
Victoria (10:04):
Right. And you really want to give that space, that space between you and your partner for the wonder and the mystery and the excitement to happen. Cause if you're trying to fuse with that person too quickly, you lose all the magic and the mystery to it.
Craig (10:19):
Yeah. You really do. And then it just kind of becomes boring and it just kind of fades off like the excitement isn't there. If you have a good connection with somebody, you want it to last a long time, right. And slow is actually going to be healthier for the relationship. Allowing them time and space to appreciate those moments that they've had with you, the jokes, the inside jokes, the memories, the things that you did together, allowing them to slowly incorporate you into their life is going to make them value you more and appreciate you more as opposed to somebody that is just bombarding you, won't give you some time to do what you have to do. You know, it doesn't allow you to spend time with friends or, you know, just messages you 50 times a day.
Victoria (11:11):
Right? It allows them to appreciate you more and appreciate those moments. Just like you said. So to wrap this all up, I want to end on a Maya Angelou quote, which she says, I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will not forget how you make them feel. So if you make others feel lighthearted, fun, important, and appreciated, then this is really, what's going to get her to think about you and to consider you as a potential partner.
Craig (11:44):
Yeah. And the healthier that you get, the easier it's going to be for you to do these things, especially those moments where you're scared and you don't know what to do. And everything inside of you is making you want to panic and reconnect with them. But getting to a good, healthy place is so critical to having balance and allowing a partner to come into your life in a balanced, healthy way. And then they'll start thinking about you more and more because you're going to set yourself apart from all of the competition that is making all of these mistakes. So hopefully you found this video helpful, put a like on there, if you did, and give coach Victoria a thumbs up for her research on this one of course, if you want to get my help personally, you can go to my website askcraig.net.