How To Make Your Partner Feel Loved
In order to have a healthy relationship with your partner a relationship to have specific ingredients in order to make it thrive.
In today’s video I’m going to talk about some key elements to having the awesome relationship that you’ve always dreamed of.
I have a great email to go through and then I asked 5 absolutely beautiful and amazing women that I am friends with 4 questions:
How do you like to be comforted by your partner?
What makes you feel loved?
What makes you feel safe?
What makes you feel like he's there for you?
In our first email you are going to see what happens in a relationship that does not have these elements.
Lyndsey: Hi Craig, the the on having a lot of mixed feelings about the guy I’ve been dating for just under three years. We decided to take a step fall word and moving together about three months ago. However things have completely changed and I feel really unsure about where we’re going. I know living together can make a big difference in a relationship, but I feel like his mindset has changed. It’s like he’s taken me for granted and he thinks I’m going to tolerate how things of been going.
I’ve been having some problems at work the past couple months as I have a new manager. I think he feels threatened by in the because all often times other managers come to me for advice. What I call home and try and talk to my boyfriend about it, he seems disinterested and what I have to say. He’s either focused on doing something that he wants, or he interrupts me to give me ways to fix the problem.
While we can see is going on here is a typical guy response. We wanna fix things. However, she wants to be heard and feel connected to her boyfriend. But he’s ignoring her and what she’s trying to share. So she starting to feel neglected.
Lyndsey: So the other day me and my boss got into a bit of an argument. He came over to me with a really nasty attitude and it seemed like he was trying to start a fight with me. I answered his question politely but he was staring at me in a hostile way. I said to him is there something that he wanna say to me. Because you’re giving me an angry tone and I’m just trying to be helpful.
It sounds like your boss is feeling threatened by you. He probably is insecure or and is trying to overcompensate for his feelings of insecurity by putting you in your place.
Lyndsey: So when I went home I just wanted to talk to my boyfriend about it. He seemed completely uninterested and the entire story. He interrupted me several times with how he thinks session handle it and I just got so fed up with him that I left the house and called my girlfriend to meet me for drink.
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t think my boyfriend really cares about what’s going on with me. He sees I’m coming home upset from work every day (which I’ve never done before). Maybe because we just moved in together he assumed I always came home from work upset. But this is only because my new manager is giving me problems. He sees I’m upset and doesn’t ask why. He ignores me almost all the time. I know he needs his own space, but he isn’t giving me any attention. If there’s something going on with him, he hasn’t said it. I’ve tried talking to him, but he’d rather stare at motorcycles online.
Even on the weekends we don’t go out anymore. I would never have moved in with him if I knew he was going to be this different. I feel like I’m the least important thing in his life.
He’s not comforting her with her stress over work. He’s not making her feel loved as he’s spending his free time doing other things. He’s not making her feel safe because he yelled at her for the way she handled her problems with her boss. And she is constantly feeling like he’s not there for her.
Lyndsey: I can understand your frustration with your boyfriend. I would be frustrated too.
What I would suggest is saying to him. I need to talk with you about something important. When would be a good time to do that?
If he says now: Say great, it’s important so I need your undivided attention. I’ve been feeling really disconnected from you lately and It’s making me unhappy. I want to try and resolve this and feel close to you again. Since we’ve moved in together, I have been feeling sad because of some recent changes to your behavior. I need you to listen to me because I don’t feel listened to recently.
I like when we spend weekends doing things together. Lately, you’ve been doing other things. When I come home from work and vent to you about my boss, I just want you to listen. I want to know that you care about how I’m feeling. I don’t need you to fix the problem. The most important thing is that I feel you care about me and that I know you’re there for me.
Hopefully he will see that you are hurting and try to repair the relationship. If he does not, it will only be a matter of time before you feel hopeless and leave him.
I asked 5 of my friends the following 4 questions and told them I was going to share their responses. So here they are.
How do you like to be comforted by your partner?
What makes you feel loved?
What makes you feel safe?
What makes you feel like he's there for you?
1 ) Reassurance , protection, jealousy, Yeah like they gotta be jealous about me. At least a little
2) T: Comfort for me has to do with giving me attention, communicating with me. When he takes my side on a matter. I feel loved through communication, intimacy, and receiving acts of service.
(Making dinner. I'm washing my car. Mowing the yard)
3) V: when he listens to me and gives me support, tries to make me feel happy when I'm sad. When he hugs and kisses me out of no where makes me feel special, when he worries about me, and when he's there for me during bad and good times
4) D: I took the 5 love languages test a little while ago and learned some things about myself. So this helps answer your question... I like to be comforted by being supported emotionally. I feel loved when my partner helps me with everything I do in life. I feel safe when my partner can earn a living thereby releasing any worried and stress with being the breadwinner. What makes me feel he's there for me is to listen
5) DA 2 What makes me feel loved? Him spending time with me, asking me about my day, listening to what I am saying, talking about it. Touching, kissing, having fun, laughing together. Attention to little things, like opening the door, making small surprises every now and then. What makes me feel comforted? When his answers to my problems or concerns are: "Don't worry baby, I won't let you fall", "We will figure it out". And of course, it is important that words are supported with actions. Show genuine concern, offer solutions. Safe? When he is projecting confidence in variety of situations. When I develop trust based on his actions.
If you want a healthy relationship you must be present with your partner. Listen to your partner, be attentive to what is going on with them. Make them feel that you are there for them. If you don’t they will start to hurt, feel disconnected, become anxious, and eventually end the relationship.